“...if I hammered the throttle, there was a tiny bit of hesitation before the electric thrusters shot the Taycan down the street.”

Welcome to America in 2019, where Arians claim to be helping a Gay but really just want to set them further back.

Let’s not forget that President Fuckballs was also 70 and clearly in diminishing mental capacity when elected in 2016.

The president doesn’t matter, the supreme court does.  I don’t care if the candidate is a sack of flour with a face drawn on it, as long as people vote it in and it nominates liberal judges.

Thank you for taking time away from vigorously licking the boots of NFL owners to provide this important and insightful sports take.

Miami is one of the best cities on earth, the way Adrian Peterson has a “#1 Dad” mug.  

Doesn’t matter if he finds professional satisfaction.  Only that he not get too uppity?

This guy gets paid millions of dollars to generate hundreds of millions of dollars of revenue for his owners. In return he will live with medical issues and addictions that the NFL will do SFA to help him with.

Nobody: “Hillary please, but male this time, and with dementia.”

A proper ratio of dick-to-balls is important.

Haven’t seen a dolphin massacre like this since I was last in Japan.

“I’m soooo manly with my Raptor. Audis are for chicks, man. I spent $90,000 on this luxury truck that will never have anything in the bed, but the most important thing to me is that I don’t look like a chick, even with my heated/cooled seats and 16 cameras that show me how to stay in the lane.”

I was going to suggest a Lexus. I like the older body style better though, this one is in the neighborhood and well within the budget.  Rear-facing car seats should also fit if necessary.

THIS. It ticks all the boxes.

All these ‘Looking for car suggestion articles have become troll pieces as of late. 

Horrible suggestions. Wow.

The right answer is unquestionably a used Lexus LS or GS. A few year old GS 350 AWD F Sport is pretty nice looking.

2015 or 2016 Lexus GS350 AWD.  Excellent reliability, should hold value relatively well, fun to drive and can fit a couple car seats. 

I mean, couldn’t *one* of you have given him a reasonable answer?  The only non-troll answer is the Acadia, and he literally said he had no use for an SUV.  I get that there’s a comedy element, but I thought there were supposed to be a few helpful suggestions?

I was at some cocktail party and ate what I thought was a fried mushroom. It was a fried olive.