“Well, this very classy goal in the Bundesliga is one thing, but I just don’t think we can ignore the importance of Jozy’s Zardes’ hold-up play.”-a weirdly large segment the vocal majority of American soccer media and probably most certainly the USMNT coaching staff and Gregg Berhalter himself.

Our department will continue to make further inquiries into Sargent’s suitability for Wonderteenhood

“I was saying ‘Luk-ook-ook-aku.’”

Tyler Adams at RB Leipzig and Ethan Horvath at Brugge make five players, plus Jesse Marsch coaching RB Salzburg (who won’t be a pushover in that group). That’s... improvement?

Slavia Prague’s owner’s reaction to drawing that group of death is how we should all deal with life everyday:

Ha ha, that would be a great name, but Murdy is pretty good, too, seeing as he murdered 7 people in cold blood just to see what it felt like. And he felt nothing but empty. 

“I come to Bury?” -seizer “Not to pays them.”

The result of the Neymar Sweepstakes could very well determine the next half-decade of European soccer.

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there buddy! Nobody’s suggesting actual on-field results should matter at all in sports. That would be insane!

Which 2 spots are you referring to? Muller/Gnabry/Coman/Perisic take the LW/RW spots, Tolisso/Thiago/Goretzka/Sanches take the CDM spots. Davies probably spends some time on the wing and some time at LB, but you’re right that a loan move might make sense for him.

Yeah - the using term “huge club” is a bit iffy. Spurs were a mid-table club until the 2010s. Man City only became relevant when the club was bought by Abu Dhabi just ten years ago. Newcastle were a legit title challenger until the mid-2000s, when they fell off a cliff. When Dempsey and Fulham made the Europa League…

This, yes. And in his time there Fulham DID achieve a lot, largely thanks to the man himself. He effectively saved their spot in the PL in his first season. He was a major piece in 2008-09 when they finished 7th in the league and got a Europa League spot. Then he was key again when they had their crazy run in 09-10…

Kasey Keller and Brad Friedel both also had extended careers in the Premier League. Not to mention Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra playing at Fulham for multiple seasons.

It’s almost like the EPL didn’t start in 2013.

Clint Dempsey had more than just one decent season at Tottenham. He had one fantastic season at Fulham, one other pretty damn good season at Fulham and several other decent seasons at Fulham where he saw time in most all games.

And now they want his helmet.

oh man, Cubo was a legitimately exciting player when he came to MLS.

“Officers are advised to be on the lookout for a vehicle with Connecticut plates, 'Y-E-A-H J-E-E-P-S'"

Twist Ip! Pull ip! Pass ip! BAPIP!

The Sandlot.

Although the title seems like a forgone conclusion every year, the annual fight for the Champions League spots in the Bundesliga are always fun. Last year the gap from 4th to 8th was only 5 points. The year before that 3rd to 8th was only 6 points.