I thought Chapter One was done about as well as it could be done. The problem with splitting this into Kid Half and Adult Half (same as the TV miniseries) is that the book is constantly ping-ponging back and forth between Kid and Adult stuff, to show the parallels between each. When you separate them, you end up with…

I think that’s a big part of what makes adapting King’s work so difficult no matter what book it’s coming from: the vast majority of terror in his books occurs via things happening inside the mind of a character. The inability to convey that internal dialogue King excels at hamstrings all of these projects from the…

I discovered them as an awkward hip-hop-loving white kid in high school when I bought my cassette copy of the New Jersey Drive soundtrack (Vol. 1). Been a fan ever since.

We get a real tree for our upstairs living room. But I want a Christmas tree in the downstairs den as well, so we pull out the fake tree from storage. This is actually the 10th year I’ve used my fake downstairs tree, so I feel reasonably environmentally responsible about it.

As a fellow bearded man, I can appreciate the frustration with costumes. It’s almost impossible for me to find a mask that covers everything and doesn’t leave like two inches of beard poking out the bottom. I also truly don’t understand why they don’t put some gawddamn ear holes in Halloween masks. YOUR OWN VOICE IS…

They can be more than one thing. Lions are majestic. They’re also terrifying if one decides that you look like lunch. I’d argue that a large group of birds making that same decision — albeit a pretty big stretch of the imagination — would be even more terrifying.

Are we really supposed to take this review seriously after you said The Hangover isn’t a funny movie?

Right?? If I set my thermostat to 82 at night, all it means is my air will never kick on and everyone will wake up sweaty in the morning. YAY SAVINGS.

I like Redman rounding out the Top Five a lot. I think he’s been relatively underrated over the years. His sophomore LP, “Dare Iz a Darkside,” is a low-key masterpiece of darkly-funky ‘90s hip-hop.

Silkk the Shocker has two k’s. Put some respeck on the man’s name. He wrote “It Ain’t My Fault,” after all. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DANG — I knew it was Dan Aykroyd, but I was sure it was from the “Ghostbusters” scene where they’re looking at the blueprints for Dana’s apartment building. Nice catch indeed.

And just like that, the “Worst Food Blogger in the World” label makes perfect sense.

Jarred, pre-chopped garlic has no place anywhere but the trash can. 

My college dorm attempted to at least halfway remedy that by installing washers that, no joke, had one button: WASH.

Can we also ban the “celebrity essentially gets blackmailed into being a prom date” thing as well?

I always think of George Carlin’s routine about other drivers: “Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is A REAL A**SHOLE, but anyone driving faster than you is A G*WDDAMN MANIAC JESUS CHRIST!!”

I have only ever wanted one bumper sticker on my car, and if I did get it, I would also special-order one written backwards for my front bumper:

I guess we can both chalk this up to the massive inconsistency of the final couple seasons, eh? =)

If he’s made as much money and gone as Hollywood as these comments suggest, I imagine he doesn’t concern himself too much with what dragonfluffer99 thinks.

“...but it’ll be better to have a Night’s Watch when that happens than not.”