• Johnny Depp and Amber Rose have an each other problem.

Loving Patton Oswalt and Aaron Paul even more today, and I didn’t even know that was possible.

SUCH A BAMF

PLEASE make that happen. She had the single GREATEST vault of ALL TIME (that judge’s face couldn’t believe what she saw). And got silver! Fuck them. But, she did make that awesome face and made it when she met the Pres, too.. so, there’s that...

*raises hand*

Somewhere, upon seeing this, Kim K shakes a rueful fist at the sky.

I’m crying

I feel like a moron for laughing as hard as I did at this.

Coat fresh strawberries with brown sugar. Add sour cream (or kifer). That's it - amazing dessert.

Yeah I was thinking the same; plus sour cream with other sweet stuff would probably end up really, really good.

That cover - well, reimagining, really - was the best thing to come out of a terrible, inexplicably overrated movie, but the original is of course the ultimate. It’s SO GOOD.

The finest microwaves.

Mother likes her food hot. Musn’t upset mother!

Yeah, no it’s really not. Pre-made doesn’t necessarily mean bought in, and upscale places also use microwaves.

I don’t want mom friends. I have friends who are also mothers but friendships based on mom status are annoying, micro-managing, competitive contrivances. I’m sick of talking about, living for, and obsessing over my kid. Can I just have friends that are mine instead of strategic plans for my child?

I got off of OKCupid today. I can’t do it. Endless harassment. It’s always a cycle. I’m optimistic when I first start, ignore the crap, talk to the “good” dudes, realize the dudes aren’t right for me at best or terrible for me at worst, stay on OKC, become angry because so many of the people messaging me are lazy as…

O Brother Where Art Thou (on the run both to and from something)

Having a few days to yourself is awesome and I don’t think you should feel guilty about being happy about that.

We used to have a family joke that we would open a restaurant called “Travolta’s” where all the waiters would be dressed like John Travolta characers and the only thing that we would serve were cheeseburgers, fries and a $5 shake.