All his buddies think Vince is a real cut-up but he can’t understand why he’s always so, so lonely...

That does almost nothing for me, dear.

Grandathered looks fucking horrible.

I love how casually the butthole licking was thrown in there.

BOOOOYAH!!!

This isn’t my story but my roommate’s....It turns out that she I was a bit dry...

Not directed at you, you just brought up a great point. I wish we could stop with this “marriage isn’t taken lightly”. It is. We have countless celebrities marrying for publicity and non-celebs marrying because they got drunk in Vegas, needed someone to split the rent and so forth.

Expresso.

My MIL decided she was going to give my FIL a “binaca blow job.” She didn’t realize you’re supposed to spray it in your mouth, not on your husband’s cock. So she basically sprayed fire all over his junk.

My apologies in advance for the long backstory, but it is necessary to fully understand the horrible-ness of the situation. I live in a tiny apartment in New York with my wife and son, which, ever since our son has gotten the ability to walk and talk and whatnot already made sex a fairly covert affair (the window of…

Being religious about peeing after sex has all but eliminated UTIs from my life. In my 20s when I would try to remember to pee after having sex but often forget/pass out I had UTIs with an obnoxious frequency.

It’s not unlike trying to stuff a marshmallow through a coin slot.

At a bar. Little Welsh man feeds me free cocaine and beers for a few hours. I suddenly become infatuated with the bouncer at the door. When he’s off work we bang in my car. In the morning I wake up with the most bruised knees ever (seatbelt buckle thingies?) and remember that I’m on my period. WHAT DID I DO WITH MY…

Scene- My bedroom, 2 AM, after a bottle and a half of wine.
Players (In a theatre sense, not like, a gross way to say ‘lovers’ or whatever)- My husband and also my me.

We were young, early 20’s, shitty on wine, having laugh sex, where we sort of clumsily bounced around the bedroom, laughing and not totally putting all…

Welp, got what I came for.

A testicle got stuck in a butthole.

College girlfriend lost the keys to the locks and I was bound spread eagle on the bed for a few hours while we figured out how to uncuff my arms and legs. Not really painful but boy did my limbs fall asleep. She eventually took the bed apart so I could at least move. Keys were eventually found in the freezer where she…

Public Service Announcement to the Men: Always tell your partner when you’re about to come. The very first time I gave a blow job to completion, I exhaled just as my boyfriend came, causing me to shoot cum out of my nose all over both of us. It really, really burns.

A Story of Few Words: A Sexy Haiku

YASSSS I literally just came in here to see if the crazy “MJ IS STEALING MY ISH” lady would make an appearance!