Satanism is by no means a blooddripping horrorshow confined to the woods on full moon thursdays. I personally find it somewhat nefarious, but only because it's philosophy of selfishness above all is inspired by Ayn Rand's Objectivism which is about as far removed from my socialist beliefs as can be. Satanism actually…

I hope you're ashamed of yourself, you dirt-eating vegetable fascist. Cauliflower is the fucking best. Cut it up into florets, throw some olive oil and salt over, smoosh together in a baking pan and roast the fuck out of it for 45 minutes. Result: crispy, salty cauliflower popcorn tasty enough for you to need to…

Oh gosh no, I don't depend on writing to make my living. Who does? I think even Hilary Mantel works as a barista at the Café Nero on Tottenham Court Road on Saturdays to make ends meet. It's a tough world out there!

No. No, that is not what he is saying.

Because I like Kitchenette, and if you're being antagonistic just for the sake of pissing people off then I will report you to Pinkham and get you banned.

Ohmigosh, the Moxie Festival Parade is one of my favorite bits of small town Americana. There's something about watching the Lisbon Falls Zumba Squad go down the street dancing to "I'm Sexy and I Know It" to reaffirm my faith in humanity.

I think it was supposed to be a polite response to a rude comment. Not knowing the difference, I can see how you would find it confusing.

[Reads the kale/buffet story]

i

My mom made salad with kale in it for dinner one night. There was other things too, but I take a bit of everything. I sit down and start munching on it. It tasted like week-old lawn weeds. I said, "So... this is kale."

It just blows my mind how many people are out there, livin' live, doin' them, with huge gaps in what most people would consider truly basic, "You cannot have lived this long without learning this" knowledge.

I'm waiting tables at a popular spot, high end spot in East Hampton, NY. Late on a Saturday shift, at the height of the summer, I'm lucky enough to get the last table for the evening sat in my section.

60 ish, wealthy, silver-haired guy with his mid 20's, rail thin, big fake boobs date.

I drink them and special them…

I remember not knowing what cauliflower was. It was served in a veggie dish and I was like "what the hell??" because my family never served it.

You know what - at this point I'll take just about any cheese that has been breaded and fried.

FLORIDA.KINJA.COM, ALL FLORIDA, ALL THE TIME.

I bet this guy was Christian!

Um. CHEESE IS ALWAYS A GOOD GIFT.

This sounds like a lovely, thoughtful and useful gift that I, as a hostess, would be elated to receive. Go and have a great time!