Please see to it that you do. We at the literal police hq are deeply, in the figurative sense only and not by any standard measures of depth, concerned.

*sticks the tip of his finger under his eyelid*

Ryan Lochte IS the idiot on the field.

The Avengers theme, by Silvestri, IS memorable!! It's the ONLY memorable movie track since Harry Potter.

Chiropractors aren’t sympathetic to trash:

His last name isn’t Punk, it’s Bitch. Punk is his middle name.

I don’t think anything on his body has a straight edge after that beatdown.

I haven’t watched in a long time but does WWE still have NXT? He can be NXT champ.

*cue music*

CM Punk, the douchey wrestler that got mass fan appeal by acting like an angsty teen, was thrashed like a bitch. Thus, he is now CM Punk Bitch.

When you’ve had so many concussions that the ref looks like your trophy wife.

Background employee 1: oh look Stacy and Lance are having sex again.

is this not some act of “justice” within the realm of social “politics?”

Rob Lowe had a roast?! I mean even Bieber’s had lots of d-list filler, but Rob Lowe?! Who was at his? McCauley Culkin? Screech? The Dell Guy?

She’s probably the kind of surface-focused SJW that writes “and that would make the world a better place” at the end of every essay.

It's the fucking same. Coraline and Spirited Away are very similar, yet totally, completely, almost entirely different, but this? This is the fucking same!!!

Oh that is a guaranteed boiler. I’ve worn paper thin plastic sheet armor and even that slow cooks you like pulled pork. This is just like walking around in a portable sauna.

Well, Breitbart, I hope losing all your credibility was worth all this exclusivity.

Then can we agree to disagree? I’m sorry if I have offended you. It’s a close subject to both of us and I would like to leave with a level of respect.

Weren’t you the one saying it’s non-sexual, and then are now calling me sex-obssessed? Now who’s crazy. Most of your friends and colleagues? Oh just like this conspiracy shows on the History Channel that say “MOST experts believe 9/11 was an inside job.” You know you’re wrong. You know your friends and colleagues…