I would never be able to watch Toy STory, and the “Snake in My Boot” line would just...

Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

As a connoisseur of Juggernaut action figures, this Juggs looks terrible!! The head is oversized and looks like it belongs on a different figure. The body is, by comparison, under-detailed. The legs are so shot that it's like an awkwardly-proportioned Stretch Armsyrong figure or any WWF figure from the 80s. I give it…

Legendary!! I thought was a screenshot.

E.T. is the devil.

Please see to it that you do. We at the literal police hq are deeply, in the figurative sense only and not by any standard measures of depth, concerned.

*sticks the tip of his finger under his eyelid*

Ryan Lochte IS the idiot on the field.

The Avengers theme, by Silvestri, IS memorable!! It's the ONLY memorable movie track since Harry Potter.

Chiropractors aren’t sympathetic to trash:

His last name isn’t Punk, it’s Bitch. Punk is his middle name.

I don’t think anything on his body has a straight edge after that beatdown.

I haven’t watched in a long time but does WWE still have NXT? He can be NXT champ.

*cue music*

CM Punk, the douchey wrestler that got mass fan appeal by acting like an angsty teen, was thrashed like a bitch. Thus, he is now CM Punk Bitch.

When you’ve had so many concussions that the ref looks like your trophy wife.

Background employee 1: oh look Stacy and Lance are having sex again.

is this not some act of “justice” within the realm of social “politics?”

Rob Lowe had a roast?! I mean even Bieber’s had lots of d-list filler, but Rob Lowe?! Who was at his? McCauley Culkin? Screech? The Dell Guy?

She’s probably the kind of surface-focused SJW that writes “and that would make the world a better place” at the end of every essay.