This Jack Handy Deep Thoughts quotation has nothing to do with the movie, but I just love and want to share it, esp. with you, Goddess, since you are often the author of ironic understatement:

That’s weird because my vet friends and family and my active duty spouse are very vocal that the reason for their service is specifically so that people can protest. When I volunteered to enlist, it was for the same reason.

A child’s job is to attend school. They will not have access to school lunches if they do not fulfill their obligations and attend school.

They. Are. Children. What the fuck are they supposed to do, have empty bellies and possibly get bad grades because their minds are on that instead of their schoolwork? And who the fuck says that getting free meals via the government for the rest of their lives will be their takeaway? Awfully presumptuous.

I mean, feel free to explain to little Janie all about your Randian jerkoff fantasy and how her mother is a leech on the system but Janie is eight and she’s hungry and she doesn’t understand why adults who have food won’t give her food when she’s hungry.

Here you go: You’re a dick.

I’m currently in the military and haven’t heard anyone complaining about Kap’s protest. FFS, it’s every American’s right to protest. I’m more offended that people are actually offended by this. Read a history book, or at least your beloved Constitution.

Saw this on twitter and it made me laugh.

I didn’t even need to google it to know it’s not even close to the truth. I did, however, have to google stress relief techniques because I almost popped a vein reading that tweet.

Two seconds of googling tells me Argentina has the highest tax rate, we weren’t even on the list of top 25.

I’ve been thinking about climate change. Who would benefit from a warmer climate? What country has a vast amount of potentially arable land once the permafrost melts? What country benefits the most from an ice-free Arctic? What country benefits from having a climate denial proxy in charge of a major world power?

Ivanka means “Meeting Crasher” in Czech.

Hahahaha!

As a Stephen King fan, the only question I ever want to ask the man is ‘Why did you decide that the way to defeat evil was a child gang bang? Why?’

that’s a solid burn

I used to date a guy who would go on about what a great mother I’d be to his kids, and I always responded that I’m sure he’d be an entertaining clown for the 2-4 hours a month he’d pay attention to those kids.

That’s nice. But here in the real world people lose jobs and can barely afford to feed themselves let alone their pet. Not everyone has family and friends who have the ability to take on an additional pet.

THIS. Absolutely. Plus, lab results aren’t hieroglyphs, there’s plenty of people—like many officers—who know how to read them so they shouldn’t be hanging around anywhere that they could informally obtain info without the proper warrant.

Don’t let those furry bastards fool you, Amanda. They come in, all cute and fluffy, but they don’t effing leave. A year later they’ve chewed every cable you own, broken all your flower pots, permanently scarred your flesh, and terrorized your previous pets into alcoholism.

What about dad-anger? Does it offer any relief from dad-anger? Because if I step on one more fucking Lego, I swear to God I’m going to burst into flames.