I’ve started responding to “Make me a sammich!” with “Change my oil!” The reactions have been...interesting.

If you’re going to risk your life, maybe it ought to be for something more important than your Brett Kavanaugh cosplay.

“Oh, so it’s ok for us to spend our paychecks on rent and heat but it’s NOT ok for us to spend our paychecks on a jetski???”

What the fuck is the snark with Bill Nye?!? And doubly so on a video educating people on the use of masks? You often talk about “reading the room,” so read the fucking room.

It is not weird but they will have to dress up and fight crime together. 

I agree that he doesn’t really sound like Gaetz’s son, but let’s also think about the bizarre logic at play here. A Democrat accused Gaetz of not trying to protect people of color because he doesn’t have non-white children. Gaetz’s reply? “I have a non-white child, and I still don’t care about protecting people of…

I’m sure if his throat didn’t really want a chicken bone there, it has ways of closing itself off and stopping things.  I’d also ask why he chose to wear that shirt to eat chicken in.

Explain to his that this is just market forces at work and if he had prepared properly, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

Order the fish.

“Praying for you, man. Hang in there.”

I would help him, then bill him a price that would be a fixed percentage of the estimated income for the rest of his life as the free market would need to decide. 

I’d ask him if he’d like more chicken. 

“Kids, if you sell enough chocolate bars this spring, the K-9 unit might just have enough to money to buy Roscoe here a pair of fake knockers that might one day save his life.”

Is the Idiot Signal much like the Bat Signal, but a projection of a dunce cap instead of a cool bat silhouette?

Or where they hang their “Jared” and “Ivanka” skin suits before slithering into their pods for a protein bath.

A deadly upper respiratory infection pandemic seems like an excellent time to quit vaping.

I think the thing people are missing is if (well, I guess, when) the healthcare system is overwhelmed EVERYONE dies. That kid having an anaphylactic reaction? Dead. That 20-something having an asthma attack? Dead. Pretty much anyone with cancer? Dead.

Both tits, now calm both tits

It’s not about the virus killing people.

When I was in college, I worked in a catering service that the university’s alumni association used all the time. The staff there were complete condescending DICKS to me.