One day I hope to be as funny as you!

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

“This young Guerrero Jr. is a star in the making, and Canadians have adopted them as their own. I propose we find an appropriate way to honor him, and I have a few ideas.”

What idiot called it Jalen wanting to leave the Jaguars and not Ramsey Boltin’?

Steelers fans like him again now

They should have told the Kent State administration to fuck off and kept playing. I mean, what are they gonna do about it, call in the National Guard?

I did not learn to properly use a Kleenex until I was thirteen.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

Taking shots and getting hammered is what got us into this mess, man.

He’s short, he’s Canadian, and he simply cannot be touched.

The Poop Standard Selection Committee (me) has taken your point under advisement and determined it does not dole out participation trophies.

Based on what he says, if any of that sweat is on his back he is gonna get deported.

Trev?

Trevor Bauer isn’t mad he got traded to a non-contender. He finds the whole thing funny, and is actually laughing at how angry you seem to be.

I can’t wait for the next segment of “Tinactin a Fool”

Gonna need a clarification on the rugby one. When they say “lower-end hair pulling,” are they talking about pubes? Because I feel a very rugby thing to do would be to yank someone’s muskforest mid-scrum.

If you ask Nike, yes

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

I’ve never seen anything blown up so fast in Oklahoma City.
-Mayor David Holt

Dear Penthouse,