My own wife eliminated me. I was making dinner, minding my own business and not listening to the music when she comes into the kitchen shouting “HA! I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN!”

Holy shit, I read this and didn’t have a single ad auto-play! That was incredible!

I picked up a Chris Webber Sixers jersey this past winter, after passing on a Corey Brewer T-Wolves jersey. Did I make the right choice? (I also could have gotten a Carmelo Knicks jersey, but...come on)

RE: MILs, it’s actually my father-in-law who is the manipulative one who verbally abused my wife growing up (I actually heard it once, I stayed the night on a couch in the next room and he didn’t know I was there; he berated her FOR AN HOUR for leaving a soda can in her car) but yeah, it takes a LOT to end that cycle.…

I was playing basketball my junior year of HS, it was an away game against a team that I can’t remember ever beating us. Coach decides to press early in order to jump out to a big lead. I’m on the second line of the press, and the other team makes a pass in the middle of the court so I step up to cover the guy.…

I was about to comment on how I’ve known this rule for a long time and I’m surprised a major leaguer doesn’t know it, but then I remembered I umpired Little League for like 8-9 years and before games all the older guys used to quiz each other on obscure rules, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My family always called them suicides, and I'm from Sacramento. I've always been curious how that one breaks down by region, is it like the pop/soda/coke thing or is it random?

I went with my mom to pick up food for the rest of the family a couple weeks ago, and we were listening to some station in satellite radio when I see JD and the Straight Shot come up...I changed it so fast my mom was genuinely concerned. When I explained who it was, she understood completely.

At the mention of Arizona as a possible destination all I want is a tour of the greater Phoenix area dive bars with Kessel and Deadspin commenter/Twitter “celebrity” Clue Heywood.

“If you desperately need peanut butter yogurt, presumably because you are pregnant with twins”

I mean, obviously he is Bill Barnwell. Way to dox him on here. Jeez. It's like Dadboner all over again...

Came here to say this exact thing.

Regarding the electric signature pads -- about every other time I go to sign one, it starts marking on the screen a half inch before I touch it. Every time the cashier looks at me like I have super powers. Am I dying or something?

Nice.

When I was growing up my mom worked at Pier 1 so I laughed at this way harder than I should have.

This one is my personal favorite, although I’m biased, they’re my favorite band.

I feel like an important part is being ignored with regards to being on someone’s shoulders: I can’t imagine his shooting percentage would be very good, even if you were completely in sync with your teammates. If they moved even slightly, your shot could be changed significantly. If you’ve ever played in a pool with…

Thanks. She was good when we first found out, but now that a few hours have passed, she is FREAKING OUT. Although the same thing applied when she found out she was pregnant, so I suppose it’ll take a couple of weeks for her to adjust again.

So a few weeks ago my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child.

My wife just told me that she’s pregnant with our first child but she doesn’t want to tell anyone we know in case something goes wrong. Waiting three months is too hard, so you guys get to find out about it. I’m super excited, by the way, and she’s a nervous wreck (who is also happy).