I can’t even with this. What person of reasonable brain ability POINTS A GODDAMN GUN AT SOMEONE?! That’s the FIRST RULE you learn. “Never point a gun at someone unless you’re going to shoot them.” I learned that at 7 when my parents bought a rifle (also, “Red means DEAD!” when it came to taking off the safety.)

Hopefully, it was in tune. I’ll be damned if most people I hear “rapping” seem to have the WORST rap style (?!) voice possible. WHY ARE YOU SO FLAT? WHY?!?!?!

TL;DR: NOT ALL WHITE MEN

Goddammit, would he feel that way with 9 white kids acting like shits? Nope, of course not. It’s only when the coloreds do it. Whereas I get the fun of feeling uncomfortable with MANY people pulling shit, because I don’t have the fun of being the everyman (white, straight, non-poor but not rich).

He should’ve been on the bus with me, the ex-Nazi and the Jewish Holocaust survivor (along with many black, brown, and other ethnics). His head would’ve exploded over all the “natural habitats!”

Heh. Hearing aid, pacemaker. He’ll have a hell of a time under TrumpDonCare!

Damn, they (the state of MO) kept sending me on interviews to work there, I’d interview, get a weird feeling, and go on my merry way. Rinse and repeat 4 more times.

Slowly it comes.

A troll named “Mario” complains about illegal immigrants.

That person’s already dead. TWO dead people won’t help. I want that fucker to LIVE in the worst prison ever, getting human booster shots on a daily basis by some dude that could be the second coming of John Holmes. Once you die, that’s it.

Yeah...I tried, but that damn Provel “cheese” put me off it but good. Cecil Whittaker’s (good luck finding one of those!) sold a really good thin crust pizza, but apparently, all the stores were independently owned, so what you got at one (Spanish Lake) wasn’t necessarily what you got at another (South County)…

I haven’t had bologna in decades. Thanks, Seitz Brand Garlic Bologna! (shudder), but damn, that looks great! Swap out crackers with party rye and cheese with lots and lots of mustard, and I could go to town.

I’ll agree on the toasted ravioli, but Imo’s, well...let’s just say I should’ve stayed away from the Provel!

SHRIMP CHIPS! (These are my “Niagara Falls!” of food.) For some reason, half a bag of shrimp chips don’t make a good breakfast...an hour later. I have never vomited so much and so impressively in my life.

D’awww! That’s when they’re fun (according to my parents)! I guess there was an advantage growing up pre-internet. Parents didn’t have the amount of shitty news coming at them constantly. I mean, sure--there was Watergate, Iran-Contra, and “Follow me! I’m dumbass Gary Hart!” in my day, but nothing like now.

Fuck. That’s...ugh.

Well, shit. I guess I practiced all those hours for nothing. Time to make my mark on the shitty music world! Bring me ass fat and janky weave! I have worlds to conquer, bitches!

Ah, shit! I forgot that. I guess she really wants to be remembered in the will. 

(Insert eyeroll and middle finger extension GIF here).

Dude! The fuck is wrong with you? Even I know that you should go to the doctor when you want to have kids!