That’s true--there’s no alternative! You can’t really even use “lady,” because you sound like an ass relaying a message like “Mr. X, there’s a lady here to see you.” Compare that to “Mr. X, there’s a gentleman here to see you.” (This is when they refuse to give you their name--c’mon, who’s going to want to talk to…

Shit, I’d rather that was a pack of Marlboros or Pall Malls. I’ve been to too many sports events where there were kids chawin’ and spittin’ into cups, cans, and sometimes between the bleachers. Goddammit, you could still smoke back then (outside football games). I wouldn’t have minded clouds of smoke, but that…

Really! So all my baby knowledge is like that episode of King of the Hill?! From the 70s and totally out of date. (My parents were told: Babies MUST sleep on their stomachs so they won’t choke, the cereal in the formula thing, baby seats—what the fuck are those...) We won’t get into the smoking, because I remember my…

We can’t?! I thought that was the new GOP/TrumpCare plan!

I’m not a man, and haven’t had kids, but damn, even I know that that baby may need some cereal (??) in her bottle. Rice cereal, whatever they call it, mixed in with the formula. Of course, the only reason I know this is because my parents had this problem with my older sister. Both doctor and grandma stated that it…

I tried the other things...Instead, many, many moons ago (2003?) They worked ONCE. I don’t know what kind of hoodoo I was running that day, but damn! Perfect fit, no spillage, slippage, nothing!

Trump. Hands down. I can see the Pope handling kids because of uh, christenings? (Would the Pope do that?)

Fuck that. We ALL know black folks (immigrants!) have done jack shit for anyone. Ask the “President!” (or his 2 member coon platoon, Altovise and Dr. Coonson.)

Why do we go to these stores again? I’m not saying you should boycott the good stores, but damn, EVERYONE’S been in that beauty supply where you get that vibe.

I saw this yesterday, drove by the location (twice!) to and from work, and stared at the title of this article for a looooong time before clicking on it, even though I knew what it was going to say (thanks, Fox 2 News!)

Of COURSE there’s a goddamned Bible verse! OF COURSE!

Man, I love how many men (and women!) think women are just hosts to the all important fetus. (But fuck that fetus once it’s born!)

Wait...what?! Two days late, but holy hell? Red Hot Riplets with provel “cheese?” Well, fuck my donkey, that sounds...hell, I’d eat it.

Meh. I can’t speak for all black folks, but the winning (American) flag is pretty much the same to me. Our current White House is full of non-Southern racists, homophobes, women haters, and all around no-goodniks. Wave your Stars and Bars (or Stars and Stripes!) Just don’t be surprised when you get punched, or your…

I’m still waiting for someone to take down both the Confederate and “regular” American flag. They’re running about neck and neck for me right now.

(George Takei voice)

I mean, damn, even Nazis tried to kill Hitler.

It IS fascinating, isn’t it? And not even in a “Hubba, hubba! Hot stuff!” way, but “The fuck is she wearing and how is she going to breathe/sing in that thing?!” way.

I never thought of that—I thought most singers would want to make the most of what their voice is NOW. Why you’d want to try to use the same registers (and fail sooooo hard) as you did in 1989 confuses me. Stuff changes. If you don’t even bother to practice/rehearse, don’t expect to just tear the house down with your…

Goddammit, 1970s! (or rather, late 1960s!) I’m guessing that the top photo is Nixon’s, because I’ll be damned if those couches aren’t the dead ringer for the couch that’s currently sitting in my basement. My parents paid for that couch in 1970, and dammit, they’re gonna get their money’s worth! (At least it’s gold and…