Hooooly SHIT!

Yes, I’m replying to this literally four months later, but not because I blocked you, but because I didn’t even see this! I will look into those, because the last photo is the look I’d been wanting to replicate ever since the “good ol’ days” of EVERYONE selling matte lipstick!

You do realize that NO ONE WHO USES RELAXERS HAS “WHITE LOOKING” HAIR, don’t you? Look at that woman on the box. Does that hair look “white” to you? Now think about Rhea Perlman’s hair—does that hair look like “white” hair?

Hell, the medicine I took (Benicar!) told me that much. It also told me I could get ulcers, muscle aches, dry mouth, insomnia, and seizures. They also took it off the market and there were plenty of commercials stating you should call Lawyer X if you’ve been negatively affected using said medicine. Everyone wasn’t…

I hate the idea of weaves, even though my older sister had the most wonderful weave I’ve ever seen (for a hot minute). It wasn’t much longer than her natural hair, AND it matched the texture perfectly (Afro World, St. Louis ROCKS!) But I’ve seen so many bone-straight weaves with Rhea Pearlman roots that I refuse to…

I refuse to be tempted by those locs....I refuse to be tempted by those locs... Goddammit!

Thanks! I mean, I’ll groom because I sweat like I stole something, but not because of any “Men like it!” reasoning. The fuck do I care what men like? Or society? 

That’s why I’ve never thought about shaving my head. My sister did it and looked great, but she also looks good blonde and there’s no way in HELL I look good as a blonde. I assumed we’d have the same shaped head so if she looked good shaved, so would I, but NOPE! Odd-kinda-pinheaded heads are not made for the Amber…

True, true! The next person that “compliments” me on my “good hair” (ughhhhhh.....) will get a supersonic neck punch. Good hair = short, easy to care for hair. Anything else? It has its ups and downs.

Wait!

I’m not judging—the relaxer my sister and I used (RaveenLite) burned our mother’s scalp! Granted, she should’ve listened when I said that 6 minutes was enough, but still! The “kiddie relaxer” I was supposed to have had (yeah, right!) burned the fuck out of my scalp 4 minutes after the hairdresser put it in. I then…

Wait...WHAT?!??!?

Late to the party, but that’s exactly what I did when I visited the salon for the first (and last!) time. The supposedly weak relaxer didn’t feel that weak, so I followed the hairdresser around and kept saying, “It’s...time!” (ala Invasion USA, because it felt like my head was gonna EXPLODE! She didn’t get the…

Never mind Detroit Dumb Guy--he’s been drinking too much water. Lead and all, you know!

Yes. Why wouldn’t it be? Because liberal media?

Fine. Then I’ll speak for him and say that yes, if you have a physical advantage, you should use that advantage to totally punch the fuck out of said hitter.

No, it’s like me trying to hit a frail old person. I’m not going to do my usual crotch kick (or crotch stab). I can grab an arm or a leg and try to subdue them (or try to get away if I feel I’d get the short end of the stick, law-wise.)

Well, I might--depends on how shitty the kid was acting. Kid’s kicking strangers, etc.? Meh. Kid gets what he/she deserves!

Oddly enough, this is one of the reasons why I can’t even with this guy. As much as I’ve said to Democrats “Channel your inner LBJ to get in office!” it’s pretty shitty to do. (Still should’ve done it to win, though!)

That reminds me of when I worked at the (then) Kiel Center. A pregnant woman ordered a couple of beers for her companions, then asked for an O’Douls (ugh!). She asked that I let her keep the bottle, and I didn’t even think twice. The last thing she needed was to be harassed by drunken hockey fans who thought she was…