Man, that lady could jam. There are some videos from the 50's where she is shredding to gospel songs like it’s 1975.

Woah, now I’ve got vertigo.

Will you approve a new season of AV Undercover?

Let’s have a song:

For some years, I have wanted to go back to 1984 with a screenplay adapting the end-of-the-world novel “Lucifer’s Hammer” to a feature length movie.

“Cheese-dick chord suspensions”

I have been known to hand a bank teller an empty envelope after making a deposit and say, “Would you throw this away for me, please?

How do I grate horseradish on a box grater without it (and my knuckles) becoming bloody?

Mmm, did you offer your hand in marriage? 

I, too, scarf down canned herring like a Bernard Malamud character, but did you not see where she clearly said NO SEAFOOD? Kate does not want to sit next to your stinky ass or mine.

I like that they chose a thick woman to model the pink swimsuit.

I like that they chose a thick woman to model the pink swimsuit.

Didn’t I see a better version of this movie back in the 90's?

If it’s the wrong time of the month, I might tear up from “Papa Loved Mama”, by Garth Brooks. That totally doesn’t deserve it since it is just supposed to be a fun, rollicking song about infidelity, murder, imprisonment, and children being left almost as orphans.

My God. What a piece of shit. I mean I knew that already, but . . .

That’s what I do whenever the server presents that little saucer of ecstacy pills to the table; put one in my anus to assure the rest of the table that they aren’t bad. My friends really appreciate the considerate gesture.

Korach thought it was a metaphor too, till he found his ass being swallowed up.

What about these people extolling the benefits of alkali water and telling me where to go buy it? Are they all full of crap too?

Verklempt?

Sipsy was able to swing it without a problem.

As I floss my hundred-spokes, it’s no joke!