The grandparents are always gifting my girls some obnoxious toy like this despite my repeated pleas not to. My solution is to remove the batteries and tell the kids that the toy is sleeping.

This is the exact thought I had when she started screaming “How can I be racist, I’m not white!” If you attack someone based on their race, you’re a racist.

“Trial by combat”

This is the headline to beat in 2021.

Raffensperger at least pushed back on his bullshit in real time.

I’m shocked that after Trump’s opening word salad, the Georgia SoS didn’t just simply say “What the fuck are you talking about, Mr. President?” and hang up. Trump rambled on about absolutely nothing for like ten minutes without interruption until Meadows stepped in. 

Never underestimate the public’s complete lack of self-preservation for a few hours of entertainment.

I think Olaf is in the thumbnail for the video, so he doesn’t so much as sneak up on you but instead lull you into a false sense of security.

The line “Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?” is funny on its own because of the over-the-top character of Hank Scorpio and A(lbert) Brooks’ delivery.

It’s not the Khan one.

Most of my security answers are cartoon characters that do not correspond with the question being asked.

Although I’m upset about Venture Bros., 17 years of quality episodes is an amazing run for any show. Adult Swim needs to give it a proper send off.

Long forgotten in the Muppet pantheon, A Muppet Family Christmas is a yearly tradition in my house. Kermit and the gang travel upstate to spent the holidays at Fozzie’s farm, not knowing that his mom has rented the house to an eccentric inventor and his dog, Sprocket. High-jinx ensue once everyone arrives and Mother…

Douche: “Go register to vote in Georgia like I did. Here’s my brother’s address!”

Fun Fact: The old NES game Kung Fu is loosely based on this movie:

It’s sad that this isn’t an anomaly in the GOP; this represents its future. 

Christ, I need a drink.

You dang kids don’t know how lucky you are with your “tubes” full of boobs and dicks! I remember a time when you had to hide porn under your mattress, and it was usually the moldy skin mag you found in the woods.

Fantastic work, Ash.

Mmm... slippery tits.