WTF do judges know about The Constitution? I’ve read it and it says nothing about sanctuary cities.

No issue besides never seeing their relatives and friends again because of nationalist fearmongering and white fragility

Countdown until the Feds start offering a bounty for turning in Je-er-immigrants

Raif-Henok, at the tender age 0f 8, has mastered five languages

“Apologize for what? Loving Christ? Canada should really apologize instead for their age of consent laws.” —Roy Moore

Never gets old

In 2010 men killed 1,698 women and women killed 405 men. The obvious answer to this inequality is to kill more men. Not all men, just about 1,300 more men a year. Our gun laws are too tight.

Wait wait wait, are you saying that the crowned, long-haired figure in the logo isn’t Jesus? And here I’ve been trying to convince my followers that Starbucks is part of a Christo-fascist conspiracy that has fooled you all.

*Fucks for a little bit*

I just treat others like how I want to be treated. The only problem is that I want to be treated like worthless trash, because I’m into that. So confusing!

Give me a movie theater where I can smoke and drink and not be near strangers, capitalists

These women simply need to learn how to dress. A man is supposed to show restraint when presented with a sight like that? The camo vest is one thing, but a camo vest with an American Flag?! I can’t stop fucking my computer screen right now.

WTF are you trying to ruin my marriage?

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

I was actually born into a rare fourth gender. I use the pronouns Bey/Bem/Bey’re

I have been hearing a lot of people talk about how Hillary Clinton is deeply involved in this widening conspiracy. Who hired Senator Moore’s accusers? Where did the money come from? Did Hillary Clinton use Russian Uranium One money to politically assassinate Roy Moore? I don’t have all of the answers, I’m just a…

All of his defenders should be removed from their posts and his wife should be in jail. I believe the going defense is “It ain’t illegal to fuck a 16-year-old”

Double dads

“Dad, why are you teaching me to defend myself and not teaching those guys not to be creeps?”