And everyone knows he meant, “for your age.”

People say the most awful things to people with cancer. Well, they say the most awful things all the time to everyone, but you really notice it when you’re covered in scabs from chemo injections. A friend of mine looked me deeply in the eyes and asked, “What have you done to bring this into your life?” I told her I…

U2 makes me want to blow my brains out.

I tried to woo a girl with Silverchair patch on her bookbag by showing off my knowledge of  The Silver Chair, fourth book of the Chronicles of Narnia. I didn’t know Silverchair was a band.

I fucking LIVED for these. When I was in middle school my greatest joy was reading this column, and I still remember finding a stack of old Seventeens in my aunt’s house from the last decade and flipping back to read this column. Fuck, these illustrations are provoking a visceral reaction, I feel like I’m 12 again.

One has to wonder what kind of level of horror will have to happen in order to get gun control? I really thought a class of murdered children should have swayed gun advocates, but sadly even that wasn’t enough. Even worse there were actually morons saying it didn’t even happen. I feel terrible for the victims in this…

Sounds a lot like a “non-law” doesn’t it?

SMART. Those will never need new tires, ever.

Yeah, fuck him for realizing he isn’t happy doing something and moving on from it. DOUUUCHE

From baby buttholes to tofurkey sausages, this whole article made me vaguely nauseated.

“I feel like I’ve been a muggle my whole life. So I just started to live that way. It’s a social construct.” — Rachel Mugglezel

Arithmeticy is crackpot math; I’m pretty sure even wizards need to learn how to add and subtract.

Isn’t the whole point of chocolate that it tastes good? Why skip that part?

I worked at a Tim Horton’s one summer, and that order clock drove me nuts. It felt disgustingly like a Skinner box.

A lot of poor students will enter the military so they can get a diploma.

Wow to the “Lover’s Stitches”. Fuck that. Being super tight may feel fun for him, but it makes it much more painful for you. Crazy me, I usually find sex more pleasurable when I’m aroused and loose enough to accommodate him, rather than trying to shove a watermelon through a pinhole (as Snooki once eloquently…

My dog can eat rotting meat, bird shit, horse shit, etc. without getting sick. That doesn’t mean I’d suggest a human try it.

I just don’t see how his condom use is relevant to the donation of money to a valuable clinic. Like... who gives a fuck whether or not he is or isn’t using condoms? Besides maybe the mothers of his children, IDK.

I think he has some form of dementia. If you compare interviews he’s done in the past his vocabulary was larger and there was way less word soup. There is something physically wrong with him. It doesn’t excuse his attitude toward women.

THEY WERE GIVEN PLASTIC SURGERY WHILE UNDERAGE INSTEAD OF A UNIVERSITY EDUCATION. That was their investment to gain business acumen.