I think that stealing from a boat falls under the category of maritime law. It was piracy!

It looks like a fucking chair. (Which, presumably, neither of them invented.)

How much does Sunday morning desk jockey pay? He's top 5 in football intelligence, camera friendliness, lovability, and even appearance.

Waste of space? It's the only part of the screen that isn't a waste of space.

I thought Goodell was a domestic assault fan.

I just want to see all the FCC complaints your ad generates.

If a fast food chain was doing this, all y'all would lose your shit.

1. Secretary General of the United Nations

I have a gluten sensitity. For example, Saturday night, I drank around 20 beers, and I threw up, because beer has gluten in it.

The NHS says I don't need a flu shot.

All I will remember about him is the season when he batted .159

How should I explain to my 7-year-old why St. Louis drafted a Defensive End instead of a Quarterback, like they desperately need?

Fry it a second time. Do everything you just did, then re-butter it, both sides, and cook it again.

Perhaps Fuck only won because it came out of the Sex Regional. Had it been placed in the Potpourri regional where, perhaps it belongs, it might have suffered an upset by another word, such as Shit or Bollocks.