My first thought upon reading this article too... When will the retraction be issued?

Wizards draft pick Rui Hachimura would like a word, quickly, while he’s still in the NBA.

Also, moats were usually filled with sewage, and other lovely fluids you would not under any circumstances want to flop around in.

Because those NBA patches were really intrusive and absolutely murdered my basketball viewing experience.

When your other option is lowering your future ceiling in a rebuild... you absolutely could eat that much salary for nothing.

Can we just report why Reggie Bullock failed his physical and leave marginal NBA transactions to the margins? I’m very afraid reading between the lines of Woj’s tweet that it’s a heart condition or some other similarly scary internal unforeseen condition.

I can’t help but ask... What are the other two guys on the court doing?

It’s funny how this works. Being on bad teams has given Portis a kind of opportunity that Looney has never had, but it’s also deprived him of certain other opportunities.

Whichever Wizards fans wanted us to officially name Tommy Sheppard our GM owes everyone an apology. This is an Ernie offseason, straight out of central casting.

Or the MadBum Theory, where they give up home runs into large bodies of water and get butthurt about it.

I’m assuming we’re not counting strikeouts with wild pitches allowing the batter to reach? Former Nats reliever Henry Rodriguez was incredible at that.

That was my first thought - as a Wizards fan, how many Wizards fans does Deadspin have on staff?!

We’re overthinking this. The Wizards aren’t hiring outside candidates, not now, not ever. They’re removing the interim tag from Tommy Sheppard at some point this summer after the big moves are made.

Oh nah, he’s still getting the full 4 year max if he wants it.

The theory I’ve heard that makes the most sense and the fewest assumptions:

That was literally my first thought.

My point here is that if Kevin Durant doesn’t play tonight, then he is a spineless chickenhearted wuss. But also, if he plays tonight and goes off for 50 points, then all this proves is that he was a spineless chickenhearted wuss all along, when he sat out the first four games of the series despite clearly being…

This is the unhinged ravings of a lunatic.

Albert,

This is so real. As a 30 yr old, I’ve caught myself thinking I need to figure out a way to get my friends who aren’t on video games and thus aren’t on the game chat most nights ON the game chat. For those guys, I try to schedule little segments for each throughout the week or month to call them. Sometimes I do,…