I think Trump’s already got a Tie Problem

I’m not a whale scientist, but I think it died because instead of it being in the water, it was in a parking lot. Once again I need to stress that I am not a whale scientist of sorts, just a man giving his best educated guess.  

[2020; Washington D.C] The state finally delivered a bigger dumpster this a.m. to haul the former president to a composting site for an autopsy.

That photo should get progressively redder.

Week 10 preview:

The Superbowl half-time show continues it’s proud tradition of being as exciting as a plate of steamed carrots.

SMH ... Nike’s paying millions to Kaep to disrespect our troops, and Big Ben can’t even get regional spots for Dick’s Sporting Goods when he’s out here making everyday Veteran’s Day.

Cutler would have been the true test, and he would have been murdered by Belichick. 

Why would the Browns be worried about trading inside their division? Do they seriously think *THIS* is what could keep them out of the playoffs?

I think his anger stems from his suffering from the oddest form of male pattern baldness ever witnessed by medical science. 

I think you should stick to telling millennial girls what fall fashions to wear to school.

Which led to this outstanding reply.

Someone’s getting drug tested today... probably not Story though.

As a liberal, I don’t feel like I’m being owned enough. I suggest they keep literally playing with fire on their property, just to show just how strong-willed and patriotic they are.

Never forget:

I guess it says a lot about me that my first thought was, “Man, they fucking went through his computer? That’s some bullshit.”

A Kings employee “came across a folder labeled ‘Turbo Tax,’” the team documents say.

This is a great non-apology. But really, only pussies feel like their house is violated when strangers have threesomes on their couch, jizz all over said couch, and abuse their pets that they were hired to watch.

“To be completely honest, I forgot the story I was making up mid-sentence and I still need to say words to complete this sentence and there you go I feel like this is enough words to count as an explanation,” said the woman.

In all honesty, if you need to use an app to find a dog sitter, please don’t get a dog.

In my defense, I would like to point out that the leash did end up getting used.