and talking about her accomplishments like you would your child...

“And we were together for a few years before that.” BECAUSE YOU WERE HER DADDY, you fucking pedophile creep.

I don’t like Woody Allen films (or really, movies in general) so I like to pretend that I’m on some high moral platform and say “Oh i don’t watch his movies due to the fact that he’s repulsive.”

“And she was picked up and put in an orphanage. And so I’ve been able to really make her life better.” - Woody Allen

And he seems a little confused about who exactly changed her life by adopting her from Korea.

You’re saying how you changed her. How has she changed you?

Because we can’t have nice things.

Waving to someone back home... I’m in Nashville now.

Oh, it’s unfair to scrutinize Melanie’s parents but it was totally fine for her asshole husband and his cronies to bring up Obama’s parentage at every (inappropriate) opportunity.

They lost on marriage and the army. So, now they're resorting to bathrooms.

This statement is always relevant: Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre white man.

other cards Hillary has or had:

Harris Wofford has lived one of the more incredible lives in recent American history. If you’re spending one-on-one time with him talking about internet memes and what just happened on Game of Thrones, you’re kind of doing it wrong.

I’m happy the dude is happy but I have to wonder what the conversations are like. Can a guy at age 90 really relate to the world that a 40 year old is living in? I’m 35 and I’m starting to turn into “You kids today” some times. It’s usually in reguards to social media, I have facebook and twitter but I don’t get snap…

I don’t get the stigma- to me it’s conscientious, not embarrassing, to prevent waste.

Poor Lil Kim those pictures are exactly why we need Black Girls Rock and Black Girl Magic and Lemonade. Because even when you are a badass rapper you can still feel the need to whiten yourself

I can’t believe I’m using this gif for a second time in only a half hour but Lil’ Kim...?

Lil Kim situation is really depressing. She was BEAUTIFUL & SEXY. The Lil Kim now looks like it was devised in a marketing lab.

I hope his refrigerator dies while he’s a work and his dog poops in his favorite shoes and his best friend butt dials him while talking about how he’s really lost it, and his land lord decides it’s time to renovate and cancels his lease six months early, and his work decides to rearrange some offices landing him in a…

Getting to payback from their comment is a huge stretch.