No. And, I’ve seen him in-person recently. So, this is an incontrovertible fact. Not an opinion. Fact.

Not. I always thought he had an odd cabbage-patch baby face with good hair.

Her red carpet dress looks like stormtroopers.

I heard Daisy Ridley’s dress is made from George Lucas’s tears.

THAT’S HOW YOU OSCAR!

I feel like I missed the memo on flattering photo poses. I typically have the posture of Mr Burns in photos

I’m a southerner. That was a perfectly executed “bless your heart,” 10/10 would bless.

As an Alabama native, I gasped when I read that skillfully deployed “bless your heart.” I can only imagine that it was launched with a twisted, condescending smirk, and that possibility warms the bitchy cockles of my heart. Well DONE, Miss Lady.

I thought the most harsh you could get with “Bless your heart” was to say it to someone’s face, but I was wrong; the true nuclear move is to say it to a reporter doing a Vanity Fair profile they will DEFINITELY read

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got drunk one night and murdered someone for sport.

Side effects? Sexual nightmares and sleep crime.

At first glance I wondered if this was a picture of Carrie from the early seasons of ‘Sex and the City’ before SJP became anorexic and frightening-looking. A ‘Sunglasses Tiara’ is ludicrous, but I often think we don’t wear enough of a variety of headwear. I’m down with bringing back Mediaeval headwear - towering…

Can you imagine what she could do on a bus ride from Miami to Ft. Lauderdale with a little Bath Salts

Of all the places to bite a stranger, who goes for ass?

Five days on a yak and I’d be cranky too.

YOU THINK THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY. Haha. WELL THIS IS HOW IT STARTS, SUCKERS. A few seemingly UNRELATED stories: a girl in a tiara bites plane passenger. Homeless man bites people in Washington square park on St Patrick’s Day while wearing a diamond crown. Disgraced former scientist turned away from pentagon while…

My autocorrect told me that his name is really “Snarl Elf Pet”.

Powers of observation. I think you are correct. But still. Will you look at that setup???

What are my legal rights as far as turning this into an ebook to sell on Amazon? Because this is one dinosaur short of a best seller there.

When I don't wear mascara people ask me if I'm dying of stage 4 cancer, so Uma, I feel yew heavy.