Naw. I figure you’ve got that covered.

Christ, you’re a whiny little fucker.

See? You’re getting smarter already.

Do, please, try to not be an idiot.

Xanadu was bad. Olivia Newton-John is pretty hot though.

Naw, it’s still up there.

You’re my hero.

I sent him a picture of my cat’s ass.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but you’ve been about 300% more readable the last month. Is everything okay?

Those are not “automatic” weapons the racist buttfuck militia are carrying. They are “semi-automatic” weapons.

I like you. You’re scary.

Nobody cares about your boner.

A professional colleague of my wife’s decided that he and his wife were going to start having an open relationship, which apparently entailed repeatedly sending my wife and the other women in her office invites to a local swingers hookup site. Long story short, he didn’t desist until I had a little talk with him.

He called you on the bone phone, but you didn’t answer.

My wife dreamt the other night that she caught me in bed with a really sweet girl from her high school. Mind you, I have zero interest in sexual partners outside our marriage of tweny-plus years. She was still pissed at me for two days.

LOL.

Swear to Gawd, you’re such a crazypants.

I can’t even snark them.

That is not ironic.

lol