I was expecting to see this in the article itself. What are you suddenly too good for Simpsons references, O'Neal?

No, I prefer masturbatory. I like sounding fancy. Plus, if you put the accent on the wrong syllable it sounds like a place to contemplatively rub one out. "Tis been a pleasant evening, but I'm afraid I must take my leave of you and retire to the mastur-batory."

Maybe this isn't the best place to mention this, but "masturbatory" is such a fancy-sounding word. It may be about beating off, but it's just so academic, I feel like I need to wear a tweed jacket with elbow patches just to say it.

Fun fact: My whole life, I've been using "peruse" to mean "skim through/glance over" when it actually means the exact opposite of that.

That was Tom Cruise's crap, not mine.

Autocorrect and all that. I guess he is perusing them, though.

You're being glib.

I was perfectly fine with Donald Glover pursuing his dreams, until his dreams included working with Jaden Smith. Please stop now.

I had to look up SJWs. I was thinking "Stupid Jerk Wads," "Stinking Jack Wagons" or "Sarah Jessica Weirdos." I was underwhelmed.

Does anyone else think if there ever actually was a Rapture, the only people left on Earth would be the Westboro Baptist Church and Fox News?

No mention of Rick and Morty? Or is that more the Lemongrab guy's baby?

Remember when a hurricane hit Golden Girls, Empty Nest, and Nurses in the middle of a telethon to save a lighthouse?

No Dear John? Actually, I don't remember much about it except the characters saying each others' names. To this day, every time I see Jere Burns, I picture him saying "Jaaahn." Or the way the nerdy guy (the mayor from Buffy!) said "Kirk."

Her reason actually made me say "Awww" and "That's nice" just like Shirley.

My own reaction to Hatesong actually fascinates me, because they always seem to make me angry, even when I hate the song, too. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm like "No, you're hating it for the wrong reason!"

This feature is the exact opposite of Hatesong. I always end up liking the person more after Random Roles, whereas everyone who does Hatesong comes off as an insufferable asshole.

Russ Nunley doesn't care about shut-ins.

Surely everyone remembers this commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…

I saw the kid who played young Tom Hanks recently (I think it was Just Married, so maybe not that recently) and he looks nothing like Tom Hanks now. Movies lied to me again.

Tetris, tetris, tetris. What ever happened to the unicycle or the ball?