That's my theory. There's a shipping container full of "Donut" signs lost in transit or mislabeled in a warehouse somewhere and they were like "Fuck it. We're just Dunkin now."

Wait wait…Mahatma Cumbys. Ugh, I hate myself.

There's a convinience store called Cumberland Farms. It's the stop that keeps you going! But don't take my word for it, here's David Hasselhoff literally singing the praises of Cumberland Farms.
https://m.youtube.com/watch…

My daughter knows it drives me nuts and says it on purpose. "I went to Cumby's and got a pep moch, and the radio was playing my man Pete Gabe."

Fred the baker wouldn't stand for this shit.

"Dunkies" makes my skin crawl. As does "Mickey D's" and "Cumby's" We're not so damn busy that we can't use whole words.

Dunkin' what? *Sobs* Dunkin' WHAT?!

Like Third Eye Blind sitting backwards in a chair uncomfortably close to John Vanderslice, the AV Club says goodbye to the inscrutable headline.

This is like the "Cow Tools" of headlines.
The connection seems to be Michelle Branch sang "Goodbye to You" on an episode of Buffy. From Wikipedia:
[In 2001 Branch herself appears in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Tabula Rasa", singing "Goodbye to You" in the Bronze at the conclusion of the episode and the song…

As a predominantly pop culture- focused site, the AV Club keeps us updated on what Home Alone 2: Lost in New York and Suddenly Susan actor Donald Trump is up to these days. Turns out he's the President of the United States.

This reminds me of the way my mom used to introduce me to people by insisting I wasn't fake.

I assure you, Pickle is not fake. He's just camera shy. Right, Pickle?
"Yeah, I don't want the failing media to see me! Sad!"
Alright, why don't you tell them a little about yourself while I drink this glass of water?

Hmm…expanding into China, but getting rid of tea…someone didn't think this through…

In Case You Missed It, as in "In case you missed it, the actor who played Hot Pie is now Hurley from LOST."

She's really good at solving murders, too.

Just wait until his speech at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

"That is going to put to rest the 'Home Alone' dad image."

Which coincidentally looks like a bunch of melted clocks.

Yes yes, it's all a rich tapestry.

His crime was trying to steal back the memorabilia he had to sell off to pay for being found liable for Ron and Nicole's deaths in the civil suit.