Putting the word “ugly” over the image of a Countach has to be the most obnoxious piece of clickbaitery since the first Millennial discovered the sentence, “Numbers 7 and 9 will shock you!”

My thought too. 90,000 sounds like a big number, but I wonder what the average closure rate is for two ordinary years. The restaurant game is notoriously risky and most new ones don’t last very long.

“Mayor Eric Adams’ newly implemented vegan Fridays are turning out to be a total bust.”

I’m not on board with the butter analogy. Cream cheese is more Leading Lady than supporting cast member. That said, I never ate a bagel until college, so my opinion might be the result of some arrested development. I always thought the bagel existed as a delivery method for the cream cheese, because it’s just not…

“...‘well, that’s what you get for purchasing an old Benz.’”

Older programs like the ones with Julia Child were structured to help you follow along, even if you had to tape an episode. Food Network has kind of morphed the genre into infotainment (why does that network insist on convincing people chefs have to be first rate ass holes?),  I tend to find more of their recipes from…

The line’s been at double-digits for a while now, but if inflation ever drives that up I will never spend more than $10 at Taco Smell. I think fast food restaurants know this is the case for most people and deliberately keep a meal below $10, and it will be a long time before that genuinely eats into their profits.…

As tacky and tasteless as these memes are, they’ve driven interest in a place most Americans couldn’t find on a map. Of course cynically, if the worst case plays out, there’s nothing to say these thirsty TikTokers won’t just go back to whatever it is they do. I think most Americans and Canadians truly want to do…

If this becomes a thing, American Girl might have to implement a Chuck E. Cheese-type “must be accompanied by a child” rule. I understand the irreverence and, to some extent, the mockery of $200 dolls you can’t find at Kmart, but this really underscores how willing certain people are to trade their consciences for very…

Anchovies can be anal. That’s fine. It’s not for everyone, but fairly common. Pineapple? That’s more like a San Diego Thank You or a Rusty Trombone.

To me these metaphors just seem like a way for educators to avoid actually talking frankly about sex. All I hear is Mr. Mackey saying “doopers.” Charging toward 46 I already have enough in my head working against me in the boudoir; if I’d grown up equating blow jobs and black olives I don’t know if I ever would have…

Being the “world’s biggest” is a source of pride, not to mention it’s a monumental feat of engineering. I don’t think anyone is downplaying the loss of life or the threat of a broader war by recognizing its significance; the destruction of national icons and landmarks are meaningful. I can’t speak for Ukrainians, but…

“Was Anyone Really Asking For Another Bullitt Movie?”

“It’s the collision of obscene tech money and restaurant culture, and I can’t foresee a single positive outcome.”

“Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us” -Burger King

What’s really amazing is RVs were once so popular GM could afford to do something more unique than just outsource its busses to third party companies like the ones that customize most of today’s Family Trucksters. It’s really a shame. I remember the road trip being the ultimate family adventure well into the ‘80s, and…

F*ck QR codes. I’m with the boomers on this one. If I’m at a nice restaurant, there are certainly enough menus to go around. If greasy diners can manage menus, so can the overpriced Center City joints. It’s already poor form to stare at your phone when you’re dining out, but QR codes make it the first thing we do.…

Wow, so we’re a adding the man behind Amish Paradise to the list of still-alive celebrities getting biopics no one asked for. I love Weird Al, but he’s a comedian, and biopics are the antithesis of comedy. What are we going to see? Orgies of polka dancers and a struggle with cocaine whippets that inspired Germs? Next…

Ann Bryant sounds like she’s auditioning for a sequel to Lake Placid, but with a bear. 

“I don’t like doing stuff to be seen doing it, is what I’m saying.”