That’s the most decadent Logan’s Run ever. “We can’t afford to take care of your healthcare anymore. Here, politely drink yourself away.”

I was done with Carpool Andy Richter when he showed up in Prom singing and dancing about how woke he was while the should-have-been-cast/actual homosexual Tituss Burgess was Lemonading around Queens.

Anything that adorable will not be taken at face value in 2021. At 13 minutes long, there are plenty of moments that would have inevitably been deemed “problematic,” however petty. All it would take is the HuffPo headline “Audi mocks Afghanistan with water ballon fight” above an article no one bothers to read and the…

A cashier at McDonald’s spilled two cups of coffee down my frontside before I even touched the cups. She then yelled at me to move to the side so she could get to the next customer, while I stood there looking like I wet my pants with steaming piss. Customer service is apparently regional.

DeLorean, Tucker? I’ll go with the Twentieth Century Motor Car Corporation or Elio. I always wanted a three wheeled banana made of plastic.

I feel like the waffle iron would smash the point out of the croissant, but it’s been a while since New York hipsters have tried to convince the world to stand in line for garbage so I’m going to take this as a win and a sign that things are returning to normal.

I can do without the powdered sugar and candy stuffed waffles, but sometimes I like a little syrup with sausage or scrapple. Just enough to balance the saltiness. But yeah, once you start drowning everything in sugar, it defeats the point. You might as well drink a bottle of syrup. That’s where it gets unfortunately…

I’m thrilled to see someone managed to make “food” look even more like Soylent Green than the company that ripped off the name. That said, there’s a market for this. I can’t imagine Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg eating Beef Wellington or, like, a carrot. Food, after all, is the oldest of legacy techs.

Meat, eggs, and potatoes feature heavily in the typical American breakfast because of the country’s English and Germanic influence. But our breakfast expectations are also regional and cultural. Of course Thailand and Egypt have different foods for breakfast: they’re entirely different countries and cultures.

“That’d be a good thing for a news blog looking to discuss the topic to do some research and find out, wouldn’t it?”

I don’t buy it, especially given Avis’s shitty state right now. Something shady went down. Also, the coupon is insulting. Avis ruined this guy’s entire trip and then stressed him out for a week. I doubt he wants a voucher for a company he probably won’t use again. Seems fair to offer to pay for his next five rentals…

This sounds like an amazing Yankee Candle. 

It’s disturbing that this article applies to grown adults. This seems like the sort of oversight a 20 year old might make in their first apartment. Unless you’re avoiding the bacon, frying eggs in the bacon grease isn’t going to make your meal notably less healthy. If you toss out the grease, you’re just wasting…

This is a great way to get yourself Unhinged.

“You serve it w/ “Jus” on the side.”

...adding Lena Dunham and Demi Lovato to the list.

Mindy Kaling is not fat, but as one of the lead characters in a largely improvised comedy sitcom, she should be more aware of the reality of perception. Also, as a writer, she was involved in endless jokes aimed at Brian Baumgartner’s and Phyllis Smith’s weight and appearance, and I can’t imagine either would agree…

These all sound delightful, but at least half of these are so altered they’re not even Caprese salads anymore. I make a killer grilled cheese sandwich by swapping out the toast and cheese for roast beef and a Kaiser roll, and serving it with au jus on the side.

I always assumed floating cars in sci-fi used some sort of magnetic levitation. If the car cancels gravity, what keeps the driver from getting nauseous and the junk in the passenger’s seat from floating away?

“There’s a shortage of soft serve on the west coast? I know we have more frozen yogurt places, but it’s not exactly hard to find a soft serve place that isn’t dairy queen.”