Why the fuck does he air these texts? Is he mocking his own damn mother for being a liberal? Because as someone who’s never seen this guy outside of pictures in articles like these, that’s what it looks like.

Oh absolutely.

Good jokes require planning and wit.

This headline made me giggle. Granted, I’m quite drunk. But I gotta be drunk for election coverage or it ruins the tradition.

“When the president says he’d maybe ‘date’ his own daughter, he clearly meant ‘donate to the charity of’ his own daughter. Get your minds out of the gutter.”

God, I hate SHS so much. So, so very much. I hope a bird poops in her open mouth the next time she yawns outdoors.

Looks like this was a pun for the deaf.

I assume most of his offering was implied hush money.

They cared, but for roughly only 3/5 of the time. That’s good enough for the type of people who stick rebel flag stickers over the rear windshield of their F250.

Oh goddamnit. Dan O’Brien and Cody Johnston were my last reasons for visiting Cracked. With no OPCD or Some News, which was fucking fantastic, I have no reason to go back.

Brutal. I like it.

Fuck Mitch McConnell.

Nah. He could survive a stroke.

Yea. The only drawback to this is that dildos aren’t cheap. Lol

Oh... Oh god...

No kidding. And you can’t get much simpler than our sitting commander in chief.

Oh, I see. I read the “are” in your first response as “were” and am now what, being aligned with the woefully uninformed at best or our current fascist government at worst?

Increasingly not great.