my mom still had small periods for the first 4 months of being pregnant me. apparently her body was just playing an elaborate trick. she gained all of 10 lbs over the entire pregnancy. she only realized she was pregnant when the indigestion was felt by my dad and was like “yea...that’s not gas. we should go to the…

Considering how many (known) children my grandfather had (13 between 7 women, 2 in other countries) i would not be surprised if i dated a relative...

deflate some balls a little? 4 game suspension. beat the shit out of your wife? 2 games.

i honestly go either way. it depends on the build for me. my current partner is a string bean and shaves his chest/torso. but i’ve had past partners who were more muscular of builds and had plenty of body hair. for some reason i want more hair with more muscle definition.

is this the one in Texas? if so, my mom is there right now. Peddling her smut (she used to write historical christian romances - meaning no pre-marriage sex and no, i don’t know why she wrote those - and now its all contemporary romance). i edited one of her more recent ones because she needed “hip slang.” i hipped it…

• tuck away the taint

I hear you. But i use sun bum spf 70 and a sun hat. And usually a cardigan. Must save my porcelain skin.

Spread it like wildfire now. Put it out into the universe and maybe it will be so. I would seriously be endlessly pleased.

oh i laughed at her A. LOT. like, i often had to leave the room for giggle fits. she was...ridiculous. i remember her refusal to say the word sex once when ordering a slice of “better than sex cake” at some restaurant. she kept calling it “better than everything cake.” the server was confused for a little bit but i…

I think she initially meant all the kid’s movies at her house for when they visit. But then she did go as far as telling her children they shouldn’t have toy story films either. or any movie with magic in it. Because THE DEVIL.

Oh god. That reminds me if my ex-MIL. She had a similar sttitude about comouters. But i remember one day someone mention the artist marylin manson. She asked who it was and i just said it was a preformer. So she went to look him up (not knowing it was a he and apparently having tge impression he would be more Monroe…

I hate the fake service dog people - thankfully the fake tags would never work at an airport/on a plane since the real stuff requires lots of documentation (i have friends with therapy animals and am in the process of getting one myself). Like, I’m not gonna grill you about ut at tge starbucks or whatever, but…

To be fair, i do think you can be allergic to red dye 40. But otherwise its all nonsense.

am i the only person who genuinely hates the use of the word “naturally” when referring to giving birth vaginally? like, how is that not super diminishing to the experience of those who have c-sections? “you had a weird and abnormal experience” is basically what we’re saying.

Russia? Fucking Russia give 52 weeks of PAID maternity leave? The same Russia with Putin in charge where he throws gays in jail and “accidentally takes over” neighboring countries? Well, if that doesn’t scream volumes about our country than I don’t know what does.

Well, now that was exexcellent.

...so how’s he trying to spin this? Anti-abortion legislations spin “its for women’s safety” and other such nonsense. Is this to...protect...there’s no spin. I can’t even with today. Nope.

exactly. if any of my clients leave the program they go straight to jail. seriously. that’s the line.
she, however, can get a dozen DUIs and get caught with drugs and stealing and missing court appearances - and it seems we just wave it off.
but what’s more upsetting is that she clearly has some underlying mental health…

it honestly is. she could finish them if she actually tried. i almost want her to fail and actually serve time for the shit she keeps doing.

just do your god damn hours. fuck. it’s not that hard. i have clients who manage to do all their hours, got to all their AA/NA meetings, therapy appointments, finish school, and find jobs.
and no one gave them a million fucking chances (because they’re all poor foster kids or POC or anything else that isn’t a rich…