This is scary. It’s happened to me before. Sometimes the effects aren’t felt immediately, but then suddenly you lose all of your motor skills.. That’s why I stopped doing gravity bong hits.

He’s currently undergoing a Schrödinger’s CATscan.

Ugh, give me a break. That’s like saying that cars don’t run on gasoline, since they technically run on gasoline+air, and that without air nothing would happen. Air is a given. It’s everywhere, and your pointing out that “ahem, technically it needs air too!” doesn’t really do much beyond making you sound whiny and…

The hook is one of the punches you should avoid getting hit by.

Okay, I feel horrible for saying this, but doesn’t the header picture make her look a lot like Ted Cruz? Or am I tripping?

What does this mean: “I knew that Hillary Clinton would be running for president in the year 2016,” she said. “I wanted to see if Anthony was still up to the same antics.” I’m not trying to be dense, but what was her aim?

Tom, should you focus on his penis when his balls are the real story? I understand the confusion since there’s not a vas deferens between the two.

Because the pilots have balls so big they need a plane like that to carry them

Using “asshats” just shouts douchebag.

He’s a coma surviving, ambulance-ridin, doctors orders abidin’, nurse kissing, still-alive son-of-a-bitch!

His barber is at the top of that list.

If you purposefully and deceivingly replace beef in my burger with mushrooms, I will hunt you down, slaughter you, butcher your carcass, run your muscles through a meat grinder, form you into quarter-pound patties, grill you, top you with a slice of cheese, put you in a bread bun, and eat you.

I’m honestly more annoyed by the white sneaker and jorts in that lede photo.

Can’t wait for the Cummins fanboys to start with the decals mocking other electric car brands.

Go directly to hell, you absolute nightmare of a person.

Next time you’re in traffic and someone forgets to signal a lane change, make sure you ram their car at speed and pelt the passengers with acid bombs. Just tell the cops that you weren’t being radical.

We had a talking parrot when I was a kid and they are so incredibly smart. He would yell “shut the door” whenever anyone left the house and learned to count in English and Spanish from watching Sesame Street with me. His language skills were incredible and he actually adapted and learned. My mom hated him and always…

So the Night King is an Analrapist?

And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!