Every weird fashion moment I don’t get just reminds me of this:

Scabbers!

The guy in the background was so impressed that his ball dropped.

My dad says it’s because he’s a quitter and only cares about collecting a paycheck instead of winning.

I recently lost a ton of weight (like 65 pounds). My secret was that every time I was about to eat something unhealthy, I would think about Jameis’s “eat a W” speech. Lost my appetite immediately. Dang near turned bulimic.

That home run was an Acuna M’Tater.

He’s 7'2". Nobody bullied him.

When did Luc Longley stop looking like a 6th grade bully and start looking like a professor who got tenure at a community college?

My girlfriend’s sister had mono when we were all in college. I was terrified I’d get it because my girlfriend was the super jealous type and she would have accused me of kissing her sister or something. And the last thing I’d want is my girlfriend yelling at me because then my wife would find out.

While I agree with you on that, that’s a very specific example. In general, a game isn’t decided just because a team goes up by 4 or 5. That’s different now than it used to be. And I like that it’s not settled since the long ball can get a team back in a game quicker.

The game changes. I mean, before 1931, a ball that took a bounce and landed over the outfield wall was a home run. At least this change makes the games more exciting and more competitive.

This is all a little suspicious considering the Cubs hired Tanya Harding as a consultant last week.

This is really funny and really Brownsy. But I think the best part is that there was a moment where some junior sleuth who interns for the Browns looked at an Instagram post by a Cleveland DJ and exclaimed, “We got you, you son of a b***h!” and then excitedly picked up his phone.

I beg to differ, but I guess we’ll never know.

He’s not wrong about Yordan’s homer. It was the first to hit the third deck in Houston in the 19 years the stadium’s been in use. That’s partly (mostly) because there’s only about 50 seats in the third deck that are in fair territory. But it was a monster and there’s no way it was only 420 feet.

Just not an emotional scar. Learned that the hard way.

Good one.

Mom, I’ve asked you not to reply to my comments on here.

You know how they name diseases after famous people that had them? (ALS is “Lou Gehrig’s disease.” I’m pretty sure AIDS is named after Tom AIDS, the guy who had sex with that monkey.)

He looks like a mall Santa that got fired for having beard lice.