That’s what happens when you pull the “Bank error in your favor card” and then land on “Go directly to Jail” on your next turn.

In the end, the only one who has to sacrifice himself is Tony Stark,

Jim Spanfeller looks like a guy who gives his niece lingerie for her birthday.

I’m not a lawyer and I wasn’t trying to skirt libel laws. Let me be more direct... Jim Spanfeller is a daycare arsonist and murders the elderly for fun. And he takes pictures of his dog and posts them to Facebook with a minimum of seven hashtags.

We may not all be as eloquent as Will at the end there, but I think it’s safe to say we all feel the same way.

I did. I confirmed it with Samer.

The least interesting parts of this story are the parts that are about sports.

If Deadspin sticks to sports, I’m leaving. I know I have no clout here, but I can get sports news and content anywhere. I come here (first and most often when I’m on the internet) because it’s more than sports. This includes wedding dress codes, pumpkin stealing, Canadian Horton’s poopers, stories about injuries, and…

Yeah, sorry. I meant to say most of the players.

Okay, Astros Corporate is terrible and I don’t like them. Can I still like the players, at least? They seem fun and cool.

I didn’t say I didn’t know any of them. But there are a bunch of them stomping the Astros that I don’t know.

In what is sure to be the biggest lucky break of my entire life, I was given a ticket to each of the first two games. So I got to watch my favorite team play in the World Series (and get stomped by a bunch of guys I’ve never heard of).

My dad totally knows Anthony Rendon’s mom and is gonna get us tickets to tonight’s game. So maybe I don’t have to listen to Joe Buck say “Back... at the wall.. this ball is.....” fifty times.

I’d love to see this play with commentary by Richard Attenborough:

In reality, our friendship would have dissolved long before this interaction do to an avalanche of substantial character flaws on my part. Kudos to you for lasting this long.

But if you’re only ever going to see “That Dude” when he’s wearing shoes, then that’s the height at which you’ll experience him. If your girlfriend wore high heels every moment you were with her, then I would submit she could claim to be 5'3". But obviously she took them off and had a “natural” state.

Who let all these 7th graders in here?!

You’re not even factoring in posture! Get out of here with your ignorance.

Like every other American, I tell them the tallest height I think they’ll believe.

In that case, I would end my friendship with you. WHO CARES?! He tall. The end.