I used to enjoy telling people about my shining sports moment, when I caught a screwdriver that my brother threw at my face from the top of the stairs when he was mad at me. It took like 30 retellings before it dawned on me that it was pretty messed up that he threw a pointy metal object at my face.

What a wonderful, quirky, feel-good story. Now, how do I block any follow-up story where it turns out he’s a racist or something?

Gah, keep it in your pants, Bill!

Dan Snyder looks like the manager at the grocery store you worked at in high school.

Surprised he could even answer. I couldn’t speak clearly for a week after having my Tunsils removed.

I just watched that this week. I never saw the original, but the remake is great.

7th grade football. First game of the season. I felt a rumble in my lower abdomen during warmups. Right before kickoff I had to sprint to the bathroom. The stalls didn’t have doors on them, but I had barely made it to the toilet in time so I didn’t have a choice.

My best friend lost his wife suddenly last year. Our families are very close, and that has forever changed our lives even though my daily life is not much different. I can’t even begin to image losing a wife and child. And I don’t want to.

I almost miss the days where I could simply watch sports without any understanding of the business behind them. Honestly, I wish my college had offered a Sports Contracts course. This stuff is fascinating, even if you prefer just watching them play.

Every time I see him, I’m shocked that his name isn’t “Chad.”

Brandon Weeden looks like your older sister’s annoying boyfriend.

I love seeing these young guys smashing taters. Aristides Aquino, Yordan Alvarez, that kid who kicked Napoleon Dynamite’s cargo pants pocket in class because he wouldn’t share.

Linked tweet is gone. I didn’t see the video, but I’ll try to describe for everyone anyway based on the comments so far...

Right. My joke is that he’ll be on the losing team and make the last out as a batter, allowing the AL team to win the World Series against the Dodgers, as an AL team has done for the last two seasons.

Broken tibia, ruptured groin, dislocated/separated shoulders, torn hamstrings, cracked ribs, fingers, concussions, bulging discs, torn knee ligaments, etc.

When Martin inevitably records the last out of Game 7 of the World Series, it’s going to be a lot of fun watching his teammates mob him on the mound.

They tried this with Darren Rovell, but they couldn’t create a baseline for the pulse readings.

I’ve never met a self-professed “lifelong diehard fan” of any team that wasn’t obnoxious.

I once had to ice my knee and take off a day of work because I tried to get a playing card from under a table with my foot.