Sprinting around the bases is the new bat flip.

Uh, gravity is just a theory. Deadspin once again pushing their liberal agenda!

I don’t want them to go to the World Series if they’ll win it. But if they’re gonna lose, then I want them there.

I had a friend who used to barf after every beating. But we didn’t kink shame him.

What if I just don’t like the Dodgers?

Nah... Shirts.

But how will I detoxify various metabolites, synthesize proteins, and produce biochemicals necessary for digestion?!?!

Dang, that sucks. He can have my ACL if that would help. I’m definitely not using it.

The ITU cited a rule that penalizes athletes who cook up a “contrived tie situation,”

This is exactly what it looks like when my friends and I play on the 9-foot goals at the elementary school.

Well not anymore. McGregor punched his skull.

Something then provoked him to take a shot at the old man’s head when he wasn’t paying attention.

They didn’t fleece the taxpayers?! Then what’s the point?

I hope they lose in the World Series the next two years. I want there to be a baseball version of the 1990s Buffalo Bills.

What if it’s a rogue bone that broke off inside his shoulder in 2015 and became sentient and wants to destroy him from any area it can reach?! And it’s voiced by David Oyelowo!

I always get mistaken for that other guy.

Who let me dad announce Padres games?

That stance is so open that it would be considered indecent in the 1940s.

*The Eyes Have Hills

I know how he feels. I’ve fallen for the “down low-too slow” move from my daughter at least a dozen times this year. And she always slaps me when I miss.