Plot twist... the kid kicking his seat is a prospect for the Rangers.

I’m still angry that he’s being called “Old Man.” I understand that he’s relatively old compared to high level soccer players. And I understand that he somehow looks like Hank Hill’s father and son. And I understand that he looks like “Back to the Future 2 when they’re in 2015" version of Flea.

I must have been on the cusp of a cycle or a no-hitter during my entire baseball career as a kid because none of my teammates ever spoke to me.

He kissed that boy on the mouth. Why does anyone talk about anything else?

If it comes out weird when you play with yourself, you should consult a physician. Like, if it’s pink then that’s a sign of blood in the semen and you should see a doctor if it happens repeatedly.

I keep meaning to make a Dead Letters Bingo board, but I never sit down and do it. Some obvious inclusions:

I agree 100% that she only got out of this relatively unscathed because she’s an older white lady.

Are there scouts for competitive eating? If so, do they go to the Golden Corral off Westwood Avenue?

Kopech’s wasn’t MPH. That was a 110 on the “percent effort given” gun. That’s why it was big news.

Nathan Peterman once burned his tongue on a room temperature unsalted cashew.

And it’s poorly dubbed.

Dude looks like if Troy Aikman’s son was a high school wrestler.

I still can’t believe I got to watch my favorite team win the World Series in 2017. But the fact that they’re still good and have the potential to be good for a long time is beyond my comprehension. Like my daughter’s Rubik’s Cube or those roundabouts in Europe.

I didn’t watch the video, but I assume JR Smith showed up and consoled Bronny’s team at the end.

I bet her real name isn’t even Cyborg.

WHY ARE PEOPLE CALLING IT A “SLICE” OF CAKE?!?!

Can we talk about how Hulk is dead now? Banner killed him (and his developing personality) and took his body as his own. This isn’t Smart Hulk. This is Green Banner.

including a disturbing, months-long courtship of one of his own players

Oh, man. That’s so terrible. If I watched boxing, I would quit after this week.

My prediction is still Houston trading for someone that makes them better without giving away anything crazy. They did it for Verlander. They did it for Cole. Man, the basketball team did it for Westbrook. I’ve come to expect it.