I found out last year that I’ve been overtaxed for 7 years due to the size of my property being incorrectly inflated by the appraisal district. But there’s nothing I can do to recoup my overpayment because of the two year limitation they set. So it only makes sense that my overpayment and his underpayment essentially c…

I recognize that the only way I’d place second in a cycling race is if there are only two people racing, but I do not understand why so many cyclists pull a DeSean Jackson like that. I don’t even finish my McDonald’s fries without watching over my shoulder for my wife to come and steal the big ones I save for last.

This is all fascinating to me. And I truly hope to see the Rockets find a way to land him, if only for the pure insanity of watching Harden, Westbrook, and Paul play and interact together.

It’s just like my dad always says...
*three minute voicemail of ambient traffic noise and AM radio*

I love you so much. 

No, I don’t mean patriotic Americans. I’m talking about nationalists.

I made the mistake of going to the comments under a tweet about her White House visit comments. It was predictably bad, but I did discover a good term for all the flag-humpers and anthem worshipers...

He always looks like he’s currently smelling or trying not to smell a fart.

This is especially egregious since MLB has added that rectangle target right there above the plate.

never

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAlonelyHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If waiters gave a six minute time limit for making a decision, my wife would never eat again. HAHAHAHA!

He’s gonna sign with the first team that offers him a contract via telegram.

Me: *clicks on headline*
Me: *Ctrl-F*
Me: *searches father’s name*
Me: *searches father’s email address*
Me: *breathes a small sigh of relief*

Unfortunately, having searched its collection more than 200 years later, the British Museum told me it can find no record of George Wilson’s toenails.

Are you going to pretend to be too obtuse to read my comment as the joke it is? I mean, it contains no less than three “he looks like” gags and clearly references my own insecurities related to age.

Aww, thanks! That’s a legitimately nice compliment. Cheers!

I like how you explained “football” as if I wouldn’t know that it’s called something besides “soccer.”

STOP. CALLING. HIM. OLD.

He’s going to the Raptors and Kawhi will sign with the Warriors. And the Rockets will get into a shoving match at an Arby’s.