Yeah but look at this

He’d catch more grief over his poor decision-making but then he keeps bouncing it on top of the crossbar and letting Origi head it in.

How is that even a real name not a French-Canadian villain in a bad action movie?

Well, it’s probably not the stats nerd telling you that—it’s Sky Sports taking shot-stopping and xG numbers to reach a conclusion that most stats nerd would be hesitant to.

Lloris is the worst top-6 keeper in the prem, with Cech and Kariya/Mignolet no longer starting, right?

I realize I’m very late here but has Harry Kane claimed credit for the own goal yet?

It was still a cynical foul with no intent to play the ball, which isn’t a misconduct but usually a yellow. It’s like if he’d stopped a breakaway at midfield, which is usually a yellow when there’s no obvious scoring opportunity. 

I dunno man, Ainsley Maitland-Niles comes out ahead, I think. Though this is a fun project.

Not necessarily. It seemed like DOGSO live on TV, but replays showed that by the time Rudiger made contact, Kepa had the pass covered. And I was rooting for a red card too. 

Dude shut up

To be fair, the foul on the breakaway didn’t DOGSO because Kepa had the long ball covered. But also to be fair, Cardiff had an obvious penalty denied in the first half and a borderline but probable penalty shout in the second. Though also also to be fair, Chelsea should’ve had a penalty in the first half.

Chelsea need to start Loftus-Cheek, Hudson-Odoi and Christensen, so if nothing else, they have the longest combined last names of any Premier League starting XI. Azplicueta and Arrizabalaga can’t do it on their own. 

Knit a sweater in the Serengeti!

Yeah but if we pay the players, we can’t have monogrammed towels in the locker room or a way to admit rich people’s dumb children into elite schools.

Everyone knows the best way to get a cat to come to you is to start doing something where a cat would get in the way.

Let’s remember some cat puns:

Okay, that’s kind of a lie. I was only a shitty roommate to one person and he was kinda shitty too in retrospect.

Not gonna lie, I scrolled through the stories to see if I was mentioned.

Yep. When you yell at young athletes, you’re teaching them that when things aren’t going your way, the thing to do is throw a tantrum, maybe take it out on someone who’s more vulnerable than you.

Sigh. Political correctness is ruining this country.