If the son’s a twit, you must acquit!

His wife is so pretty. I wonder how much Trump vodka she needs to drink to be able to handle having sex with a trump?

Or like appointing Betsy DeVos as education secretary.

Actually It’d be more like partnering with Imperial Japan to keep an eye on your territories in the Pacific and giving them a tour of Pearl Harbor.

Actually it’d be more like asking Emperor Hirohito to form a joint task force to investigate the attack on Pearl Harbor.

LOL. Literally.

Putin: are those reporters bothering you??

You don’t need to get THAT dark. Like he’s Princess Leia asking Darth Vader to form a committee to investigate and put a stop to planet destroying star ships

Friendly reminder that Mike Pence is just as tainted by Russia and general corruption as the rest of them. Flynn told Trump’s transition team that he was under investigation. Mike Pence was the head of that transition team. And yet Mike Pence is still trying to claim that he didn’t know that Flynn was bullshitting…

I just came here for the wooden spoon photoshops. Where are they?

Not the point, I know, but I’ve never seen a baby porcupine before and holy fuck is that an adorable little ball of prickly cuteness.

I have a mutt we got from a shelter - we reckon he’s a staffy crossed with something bigger (what, exactly, we have no idea), and his ears look like they were taken off a different dog entirely and stuck on the wrong place on his head. My mother-in-law, when we showed her his photo from the shelter, said he was “the…

Martha is still cuter than every single pug that has ever lived. #comeatmebro

This terrorist only got 4 years in prison? He wasn’t pulled over by a cop and shot point blank four or five times? Huh.

Pizza places on the boardwalk do, in fact, have secret codes. About ten years ago I somehow accidentally ordered pizza with weed sprinkled on it. I returned it to the flustered kid and got the plain slice I thought I’d asked for as he stammered about my “wording”.

I think the most hilarious thing about the “tapes/no tapes” thing is that 45 (inadvertently, obviously) pretty much made sure that no one questioned Comey’s testimony. Because Comey (and the general public) were under the impression that there were tapes of their conversation, Comey now had incentive not to lie about…

Can I throw up now? Why don’t we just build a time machine and go back to pre-Dickens London, where urchins begged in the streets and people worked 60 to 80 hour weeks for low wages in terrible and often dangerous conditions, so men like Trump could live in wealth and comfort, and did not have to work hard…

I found out about this from my dad. After having dinner with him, he sent me and my sister a text saying he loves us and not to go anywhere alone for the next few days.

Patton’s sycophantic devotion to Eric and Lara Trump has been my go-to train wreck of choice for several months now. She. Loves. Those. Two. To an uncomfortable degree. When Eric and Lara Trump announced their pregnancy, Patton posted a rambling, emotional ode to them, and one portion caught my eye — “You both have…

This is getting too much use lately.