OH PLEASE. IT”S JUST THE WAY SHE LINES HER LIPS.

She went brunette so it’s okay. #notashiksa

My father was crushed by a tractor 2 days before his 60th birthday.

Iggy is like........hues, dude.

My end of life plans simplified.

If you bypass the pretty bottles, you can distill a sub standard bottle of tequila (or any liquor really) by passing through a coffee filter a few times. 4 times usually ups the quality to “primo”.

Run, Son. They say ,with good reason ,you marry the family.

Sandwiches?! Please. Both of my husbands PROPOSED to me after I baked my version of monster cookies. Happy times; I’ll auction the recipe.

*midlen. Internet apathy with a sneer. Or schmear. whatever.

Yay!, OK.

I touched the scene, uniting my fingers with the hands of our reverend.

adding “Spears” is gratuitous. IT’S BRITNEY, BITCH.

My “bone” folder is appropriately hidden within my laptop.

because on Monday and Tuesday I offend people.

“He must really love her...” -next spin. #theheartwants

type with spaces, then back the spaces out! #anxietysolved #Snacky_Onassistweetswithconfidence

I mailed our taxes by on 4/15. Got nailed for a late fee as the envelope was stamped 5/17. USPSPOS

That attitude makes me want to marry her immediately.

Their dynamic is grotesque. Blended families, mine included, are tough enough without adding the “fling” factor.

As a non IT person who has a uterus, I applaud you. SMASH them, BeeAtch!