Gotta say, nothing goes better with some Za than about a thousand cold ones. Also love me some Chos and Top shelf Margs. Really living the Dream, you guys.

Yeah only on planet FUCK THIS WEED IS STRONG is Litter Caesar’s a preferred dinner choice over Pizza Hut.

People who use custom ring tones are assholes. Just use the factory settings or, better yet, keep it on silent or vibrate. I use the McGyver theme song for mine.

Ahem.....

My daily prayer:

This is silly. Everyone knows who actually paid Oswald to do the shooting...

Cut him some slack fellas, his lips get tired when he reads.

I read Deadspin everyday. I have never commented. I felt compelled to tell you sir that you made me piss my shorts while watching this awful Dolphins/Ravens game. 

From the Reading Comprehension Tees

Yes.

It’s also not uncommon for peers and direct reports to be extra nice to a person who has been fired, partly because it’s the humane thing to do and partly because they want to be spared in case the fired employee returns for a workplace shooting.

What a noob. Don’t punch a door when you lose and get angry; that’s what the roommate is for.

GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!

I sincerely hope the injury’s not as bad as Lin seems to think it is, and that he has a speedy recovery.

Claim your prize at customer service on your way out the door, Jeff.

Can’t spell Maraghy without Magary.

Ovi’s a monster and it’s going to be a tremendous shame if he never gets to lift the Cup.

Good thing the NYPD wasn’t there.

My dad is going through it now and it SUCKS.

Jolie Kerr’s secret fear is filthy hockey equipment dipped in tzatziki