THIS! Though, in the past few they have been making the mighty trek to Wicker Park and Ukrainian Village and slowly settling down in that area as well.

The River North bro is in fact alive and well

I cannot stop LLOL'ing (literally laughing out loud) at your description of the cub going mining. He's just casually headed out to do some stuff, maybe some mining. I'm still giggling as I write this.

why WOULD you wear a coat to the bar?

They also studiously stay out of Boystown because that's gay, bro.

I feel like for the Chicago bro habitat they should have mentioned Wrigley field. It is the epicenter of dudebros in the city.

Former Chicagoan now living in Arizona here to tell you the new Cubs Park here is Chicago bro/dad central. All the other baseball fields have pretty diverse crowds although the Angels will always have blonde Orange County types and the Giants will attract dreaded Bay Area fans but the Cubs field is embarrassing as…

I'd say the Chicago Bro description is accurate. Definitely should've mentioned cornhole/bags, and the Cubs hat with the alternate logo, where it's a white cub holding a bat, but it actually looks like the cub is about to go mining.

They also don't venture much beyond a rectangle bound by Irving Park, Southport,…

D.C. Bro's hobbies should include more league activities. Softball, bocce, beer pong, horseshoes — D.C. Bro is already registered in advance for all of the fun his summer can handle, and he helped design the tshirt. Isn't this a hilarious tshirt? Do you even kickball, bro?

I'd go back and pull out specific threats, but it's really a diarrhea-stream-of-consciousness in there.