*applauds progress*

“I’m just so tiny and petite! Everything’s big on me! Especially your big manly clothing! The reason I’m so cold is because I’m so thin and fragile, by the way, in case you haven’t noticed! Don’t you want to take caaaaare of meeeeee?”

A labradoodle, no less!

Probably a hybrid of late night hosts, eh? I just remember that JLaw was cold on Letterman, and they brought her a blanket, which she ended up sharing with Letterman.

“My pet dog Eva Braun”

This is so spot on. “It’s so big on me!”

Christ this woman has been killing it lately with these bits. I love watching her rise: it just keeps getting better.

“Baz Luhrmann’s musical remake of Blade Runner”

When I saw this last night, I immediately thought of JLaw and Letterman.

It’s not religious persecution if THEY do it, silly. Then it’s God’s will.

Or pizza joints refusing to serve gay people.

Yes, what is this world coming to when employees can refuse service to customers simply based on their own religious beliefs? I’m assuming, of course, that next he’s going to go after the pharmacists and pharmacy techs who refuse to supply customers with birth control and Plan B. Right? Riiiiight?

Are you on your period or something?

For a girl, anyway.

if only you were more cool calm and collected!

Well this is irritating.

Wash your mouth out. Dolly Parton! Loretta Lynn! Tammy Wynette! The Dixie Chicks! June Carter! Gillian Welch!

Only a person who has never been on the delivery table would want their fantasy man seeing the view from the other end.

If there was any hostility in anything I said before, it was put there by you, not me. You’re never going to learn anything from people if you always assume that any criticism is an attack. I said nothing about you, I just made a comment that addressed what i saw (and still do see) as a misunderstanding about the…