Okay folks, it’s time for another round of “No, That’s Not a Thing.”

Gender identity is not a ploy to get laid and/or see naked women.

This will be the defining image. When the dust has settled this image will be the defining image of the killing and the ensuing protests. This will be the image white people will patronizingly hold up to tell black people how they should act in the face of overwhelming generational adversity and oppression. I mean big…

Can we focus on the police violence against these kids, actually?

“I really enjoyed that new Woodsy Allen movie except for that little nervous fella!”

Nobody’s saying you can’t, just that the rest of us will be sitting over here saying “Eeew fuck, not again” while you do.

Well, everyone knows if your penis is broken, only a much younger girl you have an inappropriate power dynamic with you can cure you!

It has everything.

Because every single one of his movies is an attempt to justify his real life decisions and going to see his movies validates them.

Yeah, a person’s cognitive dissonance game has to be strong to work with that POS.

Dude, like all the English profs at my university were married to each other. Neat little couples of all ages and sexes. There was at least four couples I can think of off the top of my head. All appropriately matched, though.

Has there ever been a movie or book about a humanities professor who was not a middle-aged alcoholic sleeping with his young female student? Because I swear I know a lot of nice humanities professors who are happily married to age appropriate people. And sober. Spoiler alert: some humanities professors are not mopey…

I don’t even like Emma Stone all that much, but why oh why is she throwing her lot in with Woody Allen.

Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels for pseudo-intellectuals (or for a better visual, Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels with hipster glasses on): they’re formulaic, predictable, enforce shitty sexist stereotypes, are a little squicky, take themselves far too seriously,…

Did someone say Saad Maan?

Irrational Man could literally be the title of any Woody Allen movie.

Best Short Film 2015

The colors of the rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.

Step zero might be to take your own advice.

Non-binary. It’s a thing.