Not that I don’t want to give 16-year-old tehr00k hope, but because 16-year-old tehr00k would be really upset to hear that 26-year-old tehr00k hasn’t won at least one Academy Award and is not, in fact, dating Orlando Bloom.

I wish I could somehow get a message to 16-year-old tehr00k and let her know that, in exactly ten years, she would finally get to see her beloved Orly naked.

How many chickens would be a worthy bride price for, say, an 18 year old virgin with a full ride scholarship to a Big 10 university, size 10, 5'2", brunette? I really should advise my aunt and uncle before my baby cousin becomes defiled by someone in her honors biology study group in Ann Arbor...

On which date would devilled eggs be appropriate? My mother had a “no devilled eggs within 90 days of the first date,” rule, but then, my mother also is aghast at the idea of women wearing skirts or dresses without pantyhose sooooo...

How do the masses feel about whole grain mustard in their devilled eggs? Personally, I dig the little “pop” of flavor...

Seriously, as per my comment on the other story with her picture, she’s a delightful trip of a person. :-D

That lady at the end is actually something of a politics groupie. In 2010, when Bill Clinton came to give a stump speech in the Grove at Ole Miss in support of the Democratic incumbent, she and I hung out together all afternoon next to the barricade in the front. (I was broke and couldn’t afford to get my dad anything…

Every Sunday on my way to church, I blast Godsmack’s “Bad Religion.”

I mean, I have the freedom to practice, but that doesn’t mean I have the freedom from having to set my damn priorities... Sometimes that means making compromises. I can’t tithe to my church to support its community ministries (feeding the poor, supporting a local domestic abuse shelter, etc) if I’m not employed, so…

Here’s my thing: as a person of faith, I want to be able to practice my faith, personally. It’s also a matter of faith, for me, that other people not be co-erced into practicing my faith and that other people of different faiths be able to practice theirs so long as there’s general fairness all around and no secular…

How many people are going to admit to people they know irl, whose opinions of them they actually give a shit about, that they have had an Ashley Madison account in the first place? Then admit that they got scammed? No way. Even if they don’t care if their friends/family/colleagues know that they’ve attempted to either…

Okay, so I’m not super into lathering up all my skin every day (psoriasis and whatnot... it’s better to leave my skin alone entirely than to use any of the myriad products that could irritate it) but you bet your life my crazy fine, straight hair that hangs like a greasy curtain if not washed daily (twice daily during…

Yep. Your daughter is totes my hero. High fives for serious.

I’m reminded of a story my dad told me about a time he was on a tour bus in Florida, and there were people from all over the country speaking to each other in different dialects and accents. Then, suddenly, a little kid from Alabama piped up with the heaviest hill-country drawl my dad had ever heard, saying, “Y’all…

Here:

You’re good. I feel the same... only right now it’s mostly just “EVERYBODY IS GETTING MARRIED BUT ME OH MY GOD AM I GOING TO BE A CAT LADY IN MY OLD AGE HOW DO I EVEN?”

I’m convinced there is nothing so magical in this world as the shoebox sized storage boxes. They’re amazing for organizing shit.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty

Stealth prof ftw. I’ve gotten to where other students assume I’m a professor. Not a good time.

Fuck that. 27, 28... somewhere in there.