Gawker, hurry up and put a new articel up. Tired of seeing Trumps ugly face. Need it to move down on the list.

Genuflects in front of picture of Bobby Clarke

A me-first selfish player like Subban has no place in the league and no team he’said a part of will ever win anything. In fact, just to teach him a lesson, the Habs should trade him to Philadelphia for a bag of pucks and Andrew MacDonald’s corpse.

It would be a tapestry of umbilical contortions to lose Emmitt.

So I live in the Bay Area and the big AM sports talk station is KNBR. It’s wall to wall Super Bowl coverage, of course, so I was wondering how uncomfortable the brass got when Jeremy Affeldt was interviewed last week and talked about how the Super Bowl is known to be a hotbed of human trafficking....

What about Kristin Cavallari!!!! Asking for a friend.

That stupid Romper Room wench never once said my name when she was doing the whole “let’s see who’s watching” bit. I was there. I am here. I EXIST DAMMIT

I don’t have the joules but occasionally I do get the erg

Ah fuck, there he goes again... Bing! Get off Erykah’s phone!

THE 21ST CENTIPEDE

Who are you to criticize Enema Smits? Did you ever rush for 168 yards with a septic graded shoulder? I didn’t think so.

Emmett, I love your picks but you can’t use the word clittings anymore. It’s the 21st centipede.

...since fighting Tie Domi from the penalty box.

I hate this. They do this in EVERY photo op. I mean, kiss each other or don’t, none of this half-assed awkward af crap.

“You can say the word “fag” without it being homophobic”