I’ve been wearing rashguard SPF shirts this summer instead of cotton button-ups. They’re nice.

That level of paleness is actually a life goal for me. Family history of melanoma FTW!

If they check muh background, I cain’t git a gun! I have the right to a gun, because MURICA! so background checks are bad, ya pinko Commie!

KAZOOOOOOOS!!! is really great. I was howling and rocking like a Weeble with tears streaming down my face for 2 solid minutes...and that’s having read it before! The first time, I was incapacitated and needed my inhaler.

Holy jumping mother of God in a sidecar with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib...

Wait, what? Someone besides me does this and ADMITS TO IT?!?!! This is the best day ever!

*prints résumé*

You are now officially my favorite.

aaaand there it is. I finally laughed hard enough to need my inhaler.

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, please help me to un-see and un-think the awful euphemisms mentioned by SailbadTheSinner, and forgive me for wondering if “noodly appendage” has been Harlequinned yet. R’amen.

Congrats, Potential Slayer! Cancer-free is the best diagnosis ever.

So much win!

{aside} I love your name. Srsly. {/aside}

I think I love you.

I think I love you.

I kinda love you.

Fuck yes.

OMFSM that is the story of my entire adolescence. I have trouble accepting compliments and have gotten a reputation as a horrid bitch because I’m waiting for the ‘haha, just kidding’ any time someone is nice to me.

hahaha "I like pie" is a great phrase. Just today I told a co-worker that if she keeps going on break without locking her computer I'm gonna change all her system passwords to ILikePie.