Mine go off with routine cooking. That's a good enough test for me.

dumbshit Noun - A stupid person or someone who makes or has just made a significant mistake. Jermichael Finley, who relies on his hands to catch footballs so he can make millions of dollars, is a dumbshit because he tried to punch someone who was wearing a helmet.

*edited for your own protection*

Plunking a defenseless batter because he stared at his home run for a couple of seconds too long is one of the biggest bitch moves in baseball. I don't have an issue with Harper yelling something back at the guy, and I like that the Braves Twitter got smacked down for being stupid when (s)he was trying to be sassy.

Have they added an option to permanently set your preferences to "most recent", instead of having it arbitrarily reset to "top stories"?

I'd say that last tweet was pure gold, but I'd hate to remind her of such a sore subject.

Given that the NFL is caving in even more to the "Act Like You've Been There Before, Sonny!" set...

These colors don't run, unlike soccer players, who are always running and in top physical shape

+ fucking 1

Not to dispute your desire to see the WW2 thing go away, but if you look at Japan's military history they've done some seriously awful shit to their neighbors. You might want to look up the disgusting things they've done before writing us off as more dangerous.

That's just how Kobe is wired. You tell him he can't do something and he's gonna do it. And then, he'll buy you a giant fucking ring afterwards to apologize.

"I guess you could say they're on..."

So Riley Cooper could have avoided this whole incident if he hadn't been so niggardly about paying people off.

If Riley had his way, very few NFL safeties would be free.

I was greatly troubled by that. No matter your position on abortion, I think we can all agree that a woman who feels coerced into an abortion should not be subject to the procedure. That said, I don't know who in this story I am the most appalled by. It's a tough choice.

You mean Sasha Obama Bieber?

Alternate headline: "Holy Fuckshit, This Fucking Landslide Is Fucking Intense"

Though the contract stipulated a positive DNA test, all parties were satisfied as to paternity when the fetus attempted no defense and then flopped immediately to the floor despite barely being touched by the doctor.

Obviously America is a lazy country. Is there a more common lazy maneuver then kicking the extra ice cube that falls out of the ice machine under the freezer? It isn't hard to pick up the cube and toss it in the sink, but i know nobody wh does it.

What I'm getting here from your comment says a whole lot more about you than it does about Patton. Just FYI.