My mother was so proud of her brand new fake tree this year. She asked my wife and I if we liked it. I couldn't lie to her. I said, "Yeah, mom, it's really nice ...for a fake tree." I think I may have hurt her feelings but then I came home to our real tree and no more fucks were given .

A few years ago I'd have read this and replied, "Lose some fucking weight." But the last time I was on a plane, at 5'11" and 190lbs, I felt like I barely fit into my seat. My wife kept telling me to move my leg out of her area but if I kept it in my area I squished my nuts and had to actively flex muscles to keep my…

Just realized this comment was a follow-up.

If you figure out a way to make this work with a Prime subscription please replay again and let me know, because what you're saying to do does NOT work. I tried numerous times. It told me that I could NOT purchase the item until I added more stuff to reach the minimum purchase amount to receive an add-on item.

Where is this option? I've looked for it a few times for add-on items and could not find a way to buy an add-on item and just pay for the shipping.

Oh, god, no. That could not possibly have ended well. My dad always told me go with eggshell on walls, semi-gloss on trim if you want some shine to it. That always seems to work for me.

That sounds great in theory but how does that work in practice? First week of the season against a division rival (this could apply to the NHL, NFL, NBA, etc) you send out some scrub player to completely annihilate the star receiver/center/goalie/whatever of the opposing team and knock him out for the season. One guy…

You are allowed to block them. Did you not RTFA? Or the comments where the author cites the exact rule that applies to blocking the punter? Blocking is fine. Lowering your helmet and launching your head into the punter's jaw is not. Honestly, I don't think you should be allowed to do what Garvin did to any player on…

Now wait a second, the point about the blow dryer and the heels is legit. On days my wife gets up before me she blow dries her hair downstairs so she doesn't wake me up. On days I get up before her I have all of my stuff set out on my dresser to take to the bathroom so I don't wake her up. The dude has a right to ask…

Punters are defined as "defenseless" the entirety of the play no matter what they're trying to do. They specialize in punting, and that's it. They're probably in significantly better shape than most of the people commenting on this article, but they're still just not in the same league as most football players so they…

That was a nasty, dirty, unnecessary play by Garvin and I hope Roger fines him and suspends him. That's a bullshit thing to do to any guy, let alone a guy that doesn't even play football for a living. Ain't that right, Kluwe?

I'd say absolutely yes they're worth the price. I got my first pair from my roommate when he picked up a pair that were on clearance without trying them on only to realize they didn't fit. That was a good 5 or 6 years ago and I haven't purchased another brand of jeans (unless they were for doing manual labor) since.…

I don't think the Steelers know how to fire a coach. I'm not sure why Tomlin is on your list. They're more likely to trade Ben Roethlisberger than to fire Tomlin.

My wife and I got a service because, between our work schedules and actually dedicating time to being with each other and our son as a family, we always managed to get the organizing and light cleaning done but never the really deep cleaning that needs done every few weeks. We'd fight about who should be doing things…

The first time we made it my reaction was, "Wow, this is what that canned stuff was trying to emulate." Hopefully you've found what you're looking for!

Explain to me why the NFL doesn't have an NHL-esque warroom where all of these video replay decisions are made.

Don't use onion and garlic in the same dish?! That's fucking insane! Is there a reason or is it just because they're snobby, smelly Italians?

My wife found a sloppy joe recipe in a Cooking Light cookbook that I was absolutely not interested in making. Then she talked me into it and it was delicious. We've made it twice and so far I've followed the recipe by the book (onion, green bell pepper, Worcestershire, mustard, chili powder, oregano, meat) but next…

Jesus Christ, Burneko, that bit about adding the pasta tothe sauce to finish cooking is just about the most obvious goddamn thing I've absolutely never thought of that I've read in a Foodspin article to date. This is genius and I'll absolutely be using it for all of my pasta:sauce:stuff creations from now on. Thanks,…

Yeah but I mean there are scars and then there are identifying marks of international super-villains with volcano lairs.